BE OPTIMISTIC, ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HATE WILL EVENTUALLY DIE COCK STANDING

31 October 2007
Thursday (30 Degree Celsius)
Lonely Afternoon @ 1440 (Singapore time)
Listen: 别让我哭 by 陈升
Mood: *Life is…Duh-ing*

Sunday damn on, 6am went all the way to Bishan to pick up Han for our weekly jog in East Coast Park. Reach there at 6.20am and actually survive the 1 hour jog, from carpark B1 to Bedok Jetty. Man, we are strong… Had a smoke break at the jetty though haha. Seriously, the smoke at the end was actually our motivation throughout the run. It’s terribly unhealthy but hey, that’s life.

Monday: due to some calendar screw up, I happened to have the car for the entire day. Oh boy, sounds fun and guess what I did with it? I went to buy CDs and a stand fan. Nice… Met up with Kwek for his stuffs’ transportation. Had dinner and later at the generosity and hospitality of the Kwek’s family, I spent 1 hour at their house chit chatting and trying to siam their beloved felines… No choice, to the felines, I look like a tweety bird on BBQ…

Tuesday: Finally I am free to rest at home. Despite being out of job for like 8 working days, I practically spent the remaining 7 days running errands, meeting friends and doing other “don’t know what” stuffs. So what did I do when I am free… In between converting all my CDs to hard disk, some 400 of them all, in lossless format (read Damn SOLID quality), I watch music Dvds, and even have time to short circuit my Guitar amplifier. Drats, speaking of it, I asked Kwek and double confirm with my Crate™ instruction manual on its dual voltage thingy. Nabei, everything looks good to go but when I plug into the main, it got electrical-shocked instantly. Must have killed the safety fuse thingy inside it (hopefully that is all I killed), now have to find a repair chap… As if I fucking free like that…

Oh yes, remind me to kick Giggs in his ass when I meet him later. Wedding arrangement lah… Tell him specifically to put us in a table of girls and guess what he did? He put us in a table of girls… All Aunties (save for the pretty vegetarian lady opposite me). Nice work… How can he rob his friend of the chance to mingle with pretty things? ARGH… I had to make small talk with everyone but SYT.

Moving on, I bought 李宗盛 recent Taipei concert DVD. It was (how you put it across in English), Refreshing. To hear those familiar songs again but in another perspective; man versus the usual lady’s point of view. I must say, it gave me a different feel the way he presented it; his voice, his feelings. He should know best the feeling each song represents. After all, he is the author for all his songs in the concert. His voice is not that captivating but what he lacks, he made up for with his sincerity and unique rendering of “moment in time” feeling; the longing, the rejection, sorrow aftermath, despair, loneliness and then that single ray of fleeting hope throughout the concert repertoire.

Ah, the pain of life...

For us all to live in such grief, only to find comfort in false hope and rejection, again and again, like a never ending ride to nowhere.

But I seek comfort in my hope that in a city of infinite options, I have only one. Though you never will know my love for you, but hey, at least somewhere, somehow, a bird is missing you right now.

Oh well, to share with you my joy, sorrow, happiness, despair and therein hope (hopefully), for this limited time only, whoever leave a comment in my blog or an sms to my cell will get a copy (original somemore) of his DVD and may you too, enjoy the moment of feelings I have felt throughout the concert. Too good to be true? Why yes, all you need is your nick/name (contact email) or your sms and I will personally hand delivered/Speedpost it right to your door step.

Promotion end date: 1 week from the date of blog post

AND WHEN YOU START TO MISS ME… REMEMBER… YOU LET ME GO

27 October 2007
Saturday (31 Degree Celsius)
Lonely Night @ 2100 (Singapore time)
Listen: 我终于失去了你 by 赵传
Mood: *Life is…lonely*

No prize for guessing where I am and why I am here. Told you I hate weekends crowd and prefer to stay at home, smoking, eating, surfing aimlessly etc etc, the making of a LOSER, or rather, it has already been made. Yes, so here I am, at the comfort (as best as I could) of my home, just had dinner and now waiting to sleep. How pathetic life has becometh for me… Morning wakes up, see around, surf net, eat, surf net, shower, eat, surf net, sleep, wakes up, eat, you know the drill. Soon, I will be nothing but a walking zombie, trying to find out what ever happened to my life (think the smart zombies in Resident Evil, Extinction). Ok, maybe not so traumatizing but let’s leave it as it is.

*Censored Paragraphs for the betterment of everyone

I give up already, if there is fate, then we will meet, if not, then it never was in the first place.

Why can’t my life be "I meet you, you meet me, we both fall in love and lived happily ever after…" Does that only happened to others and not me? Or was that in fairy tales only… tales spun by others for the sake of humanity… keeping the hope and faith alive?

I am lonely…

我终于失去了你 by 赵传

当所有的人离开我的时候, 你劝我要耐心等候
并且陪我渡过生命中最长的寒冬, 如此地宽容

当所有的人靠紧我的时候, 你要我安静从容
似乎知道我有一颗永不安静的心, (我)容易蠢动

我终于让千百双手在我面前挥舞, 我终于拥有了千百个热情的笑容
我终于让人群被我深深的打动
我却忘了告诉你, 你一直在我心中

啊~我终于失去了你
在拥挤的人群中
我终于失去了你
当我的人生第一次感到光荣

THERE ARE ONLY 2 ABSOLUTES IN THE WORLD; BEST FRIEND & WHISKEY. AND THE GREATEST MEMORIES USUALLY INVOLVE BOTH

26 October 2007
Friday (33 Degree Celsius)
HOT HOT Night @ 2000 (Singapore time)
Listen: 我终于失去了你 by 赵传
Mood: *headache*

Yup, that I truly agrees. My best time thy far was in Feb 06 when I was out drinking with Han. Man, we were so damn drunk but very fuckingly happy… It was good, no wait, good is an understatement, it is fucking awesome. But must go slow on such drinks… Bad for the liver *wink wink*

*Censored Paragraph* Easier said than done, like WHERE should I start? The oxymoronism of life; not that I don’t want to find, but how to even start?

Came home at dawn, wash up, sleep till noon, wash up again, went to meet insurance agent, sign some blank checks, ask a few dumb question (since got time) and bought a portable 750Gb MyBook Harddisk. Wanted the 1Tb version but make no sense; network enabled and RAID thingy which I have neither use nor require, so end up buying a smaller capacity.

Oh yes, as you can see, again my Thursday night/Friday morning period are unaccounted for. See, told you no point asking me anything; ignorance is bliss. Seriously, the lesser you know of me, the easier on your heart it will be. Muahaha, what a sick bird I am… Right…

On to the topic of penises, I am particularly amused by the amount of attention the American give to its male anatomy (read Superbad for instance). I am sure Oriental love and adore their manhood too lah but nothing can compared to the care and concern of the Americans. Yup, when all things failed, you can always trust a Yankee to get it right. Why not? Look at the War… drag on for 2 presidential terms and every time people threaten to sink it, Bush appears even more victorious in its aftermath. Man, he is good, like I said again, good is an understatement, he is fucking good.

Now having a headache, must be the terribly hot weather lah. Basket, so hot and I still walk 2km to the MRT station. I was so tempted to take a cab but decided otherwise because if this becometh a habit, it will be an expensive habit. As you know, humans are creature of habit… Not a fault on our part, if there is, blame it on the inherent property defined way much earlier by God (of course). But hey, the lord works in mysterious way.

Moving along, came across this joke about horny superman… quite funny…

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay.

Superman figure he couldn't do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away. Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he's swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about. He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle.
He thinks I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she'll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and in 4 seconds he's back in the air flying away.

Wonder Woman looks up and says "What was that?" Invisible Man says: "I don't know but my ass hurts!"

BEAUTY LIES IN THE EYES OF THE BEER HOLDER

24 October 2007
Wednesday (29 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 2100 (Singapore time)
Listen: 我终于失去了你 by 赵传
Mood: *Still Lobo*

Actually my original post has already been confirmed, proof-read and ready to post, then cheebye thing happen. Don’t know press what fuck button, it wipe out the entire content. Chee bye, alas, since it happened (shit thing), what can I do? Just lan lan pick up the pieces and continue where I left…

As I was saying, I am finally in the mood to do a little revamp of my Blog. I included some links of my daily reads, in particular, Sharon Au (yup, the Lovable TV Host). You should read it sometime, it is quite (how you put it in English…) Inspiring? Haha, the fact that she is sweet and pretty is beside the point. Anyway, someone once commented that she has been watching Sharon’s hosted TV shows since young. I hate to admit but this can only means 2 things; Sharon & my friend are not young and I am not that young also (since me see Sharon since like Teens). Oh well, also change the “always-wanted-to-change-but-no-mood” title of Nyo & Kwek’s blog, include a new Crave Asia and removed some links I no longer frequent (ah, the flickerness of life).

Talking about life, watch this movie with Guppy yesterday. It was pretty funny, corny and aptly named; Superbad. It was crudely funny until I discover that I am actually on a movie date with a lady and suddenly, those penises jokes and horny moves do not look so funny anymore. Yup, and I think I am one of the 2 pricks she was referring to in her blog that laugh at every god-given gestures. How nice… Seriously, if I am vaguely aware that it will be this crude, I wouldn’t even be watching it (not with a lady that is). Oh well, the reputation wrecking fact of life *face palm*

Talking about Guppy, now I know for a fact how women can actually spend a whole day just shopping. She look, probe, touch, tried a few colors of the SAME shoes, walk around, touch somemore, ponder, ensure, be sure and make sure that this is the pair she wanted. Unlike Men, we go into shop, see, look, found, touch, poke a bit, wear one shoe, hop with one shoe and buy it. See, that’s why shopping with Guppy is soo fun… Heehee

On The shoe note, I suddenly has this enthusiasm to start running (which I did) and even go all out onto my usual (3 years ago) 5km route. But it never occurs to me that 3 years is a long time, couple with bad diet, smoking and old age, it does take a toil on bird’s body. I finished 3km and limp all the way back. Worst still, no shortcut cos of some park connector thingy. Must be influenced by Guppy… Bad Guppy, Bad Bad Guppy…

On another note, went back to office to do my exit clearance and finally it is safe to say, I am away from my cheese pie company’s clutches, no more extended humiliation, no more cheese pie company EVER. Ok, the last part was a little uncalled for but hey, that’s life haha.

On that note, wonder how is Mr Nyo and his 14 days ALONE in Beijing coming along. I hope he seriously brought the condoms (as assured by me the necessity of it all) and not buying it in Beijing. Like my Taiwanese counterpart says, it is a learning curve; last time Taiwanese products also kena left right center by consumers and now, look at them, World Class (think Acer). Oh yes, back to the condom thingy, beside using it as a survival tools like Army Rangers & of course, its intended purpose, condoms also have so many useful application that I just lost count. Next time, let Ranger-Trained Bird teach you why if everything fails, don’t ever leave home without one.

I will alternate between jokes and song lyrics lah, because nowadays not many songs will make my heart flutter haha. Hopefully, these jokes will keep the blues away, if not, you have serious problems.

Trying to make up for bad behavior, Bill Clinton went to the shopping mall to buy Hillary a gift. "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," he says eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours." "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," Bill replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

I LIVE IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD… IT IS OK, COS EVERYONE KNOWS ME HERE

22 October 2007
Monday (31 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 2000 (Singapore time)
Listen: 找不到人天荒地老 by 李翊君
Mood: *Lobo-ing*

Here I am, doing some nothingness again. Today met up with my financial advisor (or in LK words, insurance say insurance agent lah)… Don’t you just love her? Anyway, finally close my CPF-OA investment, which is kind of stupid cos I wanted to do it long time ago, but alas, I am good at procrastinating. Besides, my previous Prudential fuck agent is literally for fun only, nabei, never hear from him for like zillions years. But it is a blessing too, cos he not very smart in the first place. Then again, by buying a product from him when he is not that cheebyely smart says a great deal on my intellect also… OH FUCK… Well, for my benefit, if u think I am slow and couldn’t be bothered, you should have seen others. Really, in my regime, they will be drowned in warm beer and feed to the lions… But hey, like I was telling my new acquaintance; that’s diversity. If everyone so fucking on the ball and good, where do you think you be standing? Ah, Diversity… I like the sound of it already.

Saturday was somewhat sad; I was literally abandoned by my parents… It goes like this; My dad called and said he is out somewhere and not coming home for the night, then mom called and say she will be at some BBQ. I was like, What? Out somewhere… WHERE? And BBQ? At your Age??!! Ok, maybe not so sarcastic but for a moment, I feel so fucking like LOSER. How can they all abandon me, together somemore? They are not out dating together lah, confirmed one… Given it is weekend but WHY!!! To make matter worse, I was thinking along the line of sleeping early on a Saturday night, but decided otherwise… So in the end? I went drinking. DAMN… Next time must ground my parents!

Sunday laze around, Monday beside meeting my agent/friend, I went for an impromptu run. Very lucky, cos halfway thru, I can literally smell rain and decided to cut short the distance and come home. Enough said, it rained (heavily) the moment I reached home haha. How lucky…

Chat with LK here and there… Send out countless resumes… Maybe I am destined to work with similar cheese pie companies. Haiz, I thought it could be slightly different this time but alas, life is tough. On a lighter note, Kwek is back… *silence* … That’s all for his fanfare.

Oh yes, Bunnies family is welcoming their little junior soon. Aww that is THE news of the week. Now that most of my closer friends are married and having offspring, I think I should start bucking up, be more proactive to find that one girl in my life. Easier said than done, not that I have stringent or most perverse criteria but somehow, girls I dated just don’t have that feeling, perhaps that is fate. It is most unfortunate (on my part again), alas, life is tough. Some are really really nice girls and they deserve someone better… Not me.

Well, some jokes to usher in the new work week…have fun.

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?"

The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it

But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

闭上眼睛，你会想起着我吗？

19 October 2007
Friday (28 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 2100 (Singapore time)
Listen: 找不到人天荒地老 by 李翊君
Mood: *Lobo-ing*

First day of lobo and I spend it sleeping. No choice, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Had business unit family day yesterday and later in the evening went for a jog at Bishan Park with Han. Yup, bird is damn free. Had dinner and drive all the way home… Later hours of the night were unaccounted for, no need to ask, it will not be known to anyone. Nothing illegal nor up to no good thingy, just a simple lost in translation.

*Censored Paragraph, for my eyes only*

Cheese pie company refused to clear my exit until I settle the asset thing. Nabei, last time long time ago, never even ask my permission and cheebyely tag every thing to me and now, why the fuck they ask other people can tag to them or not. Chee bye…Who on earth will agree? Fucking waste my time and still got one clerk dare to call and scold me for not returning my security pass. Fucker. YOU PEOPLE BETTER GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER (Exact words in my email), damn Tulan, so shoot a sarcastic email to everyone involved. What is worst? My 2 US friends/colleagues BY and KQ all keeping quiet. Nabei, cannot like help a bit. It’s ok, I will remember. I will.

Beside those, I think nothing much to update. Must really start my jogging routine, body getting slacker by the day. Oh drats… last night run was great, damn humid and sweat like fuck but it was good. Feel so much healthier. So what am I going to do for the next dunno how many months of lobo-ness? Well, firstly, I need to use 2 weeks to settle my CDs and MP3 Collection. I figure I really need a system to take charge of my songs. Oh well, that will be fun. Nowadays doesn’t seems to be able to finish a whole page of A4 format. Maybe no issues to discuss and cowpeh about. Oh well, that’s life. How and where got some many things to talk cock one…

SH smsed me earlier; she heard that I had some admin problems with my clearance and volunteer to help out in any way. That’s sweet of her, it is really a pity things did not work out or even start for us. But I guess it is for the better; Secularism has no place in her life.

找不到人天荒地老 by 李翊君

至少我还陪了你那么久你却连句再见都没说
爱情终于放我自由可是寂寞更多再想也没有用

直到最后一刻还牵着手, 证明我们本来也想走到最后
她笑我哭你不在乎, 三个人的赌我只能输光幸福

找不到人天荒地老, 只好夜夜寻找温暖在不同的拥抱
眼看天要亮了我却伤心的睡不着
找不到人天荒地老, 只好夜夜寻找温暖在失去爱情的街道
当心都碎了就算是爱的再深一切都已经不完整

如果假装坚强就能填补这伤口
总在爱情游戏以后心却的更痛

于是我也习惯了孤单

16 October 2007
Sudden Shower Tuesday (28 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 2100 (Singapore time)
Listen: No Song, just sound of my Heart Breaking
Mood: *Heart Breaking*

Today just one of the “Another Day” thingy… Woke up at 4am, decides not to sleep anymore and started surfing net… That too, getting bored after an hour and so decide again to go for a car spin/smoke break. Drive to end of the world, see how early people can be and then when the sun started rising, decides once again to go home. That in effect, sums up my entire morning.

Went to do some paper work for cheese pie company to release me, idle here, chat up with Mr Yeo & Mandy, saw pretty Angeling, small talk with her a bit and had lunch with Buddy Hiok. Had some food and then took the metro back home. Idle at home, thought of sending a farewell note to colleagues but decided not to. If they are my friends (which in my criteria; both rare and very limited in number), they ought to know I have left and would have the means to stay in contact and if they are not, then no point in anything in the first place.

Another 2 more working days to go and I will be officially out of job and out of Cheese Pie Company. I will missed my working days, and I can’t help but wonder what my next job will be? Haiz, in any case life is tough, too bad for me. Having said that, I hope to enjoy my period of lobo-ness. I would like to do a lot of things, namely; running 5km every day, weights, swim, golf and flirt. Hehe, maybe flirt can still do it, since it does not require much effort on my part… the only problem is, I don’t have a target. Well, that’s a fuck life, ain’t it?

真实 by 张惠妹

你说的话在我心中生了根
爱得很深所以心很疼
记忆在我的心中翻滚
是不是每一个人, 都像我一样笨

只怕再问对彼此都太残忍
我能感觉另外一个人
我等等笑容换成泪痕
爱在崩溃的时候比较真

太多疑问知道答案又如何
原来容忍不需要天份
只要爱错一个人

心痛比快乐更真实, 爱为何这样的讽刺
我忘了这是第几次, 一见你就无法坚持

孤独比拥抱更真实, 爱让人失去了理智
会不会是我太自私, 拒绝更寂寞的日子

放不开也看不见未来
难道这种不完美
才是爱情真实的样子

MEET BOB, BOB TRIED TO STEAL MY COOKIES, HAHA BOB, HAHA

12 October 2007
Sudden Shower Friday (30 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1400 (Singapore time)
Listen: 用情by 张信哲
Mood: *It is but another Day*

Today had a revelation; it seems for better or for worst, I am defined by my job. Such revelation can only happened when you are like me, going to be jobless in 6 days time and with no future in sight. It seems also humans (as much as we hated the idea), live on hope, stability and peace. Now, try removing 2 of it and you will understand my feelings. Oh Drats. Nevertheless, every minute of my staying here is a verification of my humiliation and undermining my self worth. Argh…

But I did say a long time ago that being lobo in Cheese pie Company is sian but got cheese pie pay rather than lobo-ing at home, no cheese pie company but also no cheese pie pay, such theory in itself is self fulfilling. How nice…

But we need to wake up from our day dreams some time… Like Mr Nyo says; 有时候，应该有决定放弃的智慧，男人的青春也是有限的… Ok, point taken.

用情 by 张信哲

不怨不悔难有相同的感情给谁
对与不对由时间体会
谁不是这样以为骗自己忘了无所谓
却事与愿违往事轻扣我心扉

花开的美美不过你笑容的妩媚

午夜梦回怕景物憔悴
怎能不这样以为没有你尝遍痛苦滋味
是我太沉醉让思念步步相随

我用情付诸流水爱比不爱可悲
听山盟海誓曾经说的字字都珍贵
想你温柔的双臂会甜蜜的圈住谁

我用情付诸流水爱比不爱可悲
听山盟海誓曾经说的字字都珍贵
不见男人的眼泪停在眼眶里
那样苦苦徘徊

好多好多的话想对你说

11 October 2007
Nice Thursday (35 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1430 (Singapore time)
Listen: 如果你也听说 by 张惠妹
Mood: *It is but a Sad Day*

On a not so gloomy side, Tuesday night went for a dinner and drink session with my buddies; LK and Han (third chap cannot make it…But that’s ok). I always enjoyed their company tremendously; no pressure, nothing fanciful and best of all, no pretensions. Wednesday went for another karaoke lunch and a movie session with Guppy. Found the parallel imported CDs Store and went home empty-handed. Like I told her, it looks terribly unglam to walk around with some CDs in plastic bags.

But I think let us not kid anyone anymore. It is a fact of my life; just have to live and get on with life. Not at all a bad thing if you are in my shoes, besides, I have been living it for as long as I can remembers. I could try to know you better but to what purpose, to what extend… In the end, it doesn’t matter anymore. In any case, if you are unwilling, what then can I do? I guess I do not have the energy for such activities, if there is fate, chemistry or divine intervention, then it will be, if not, then it is not meant to be at all. I supposed aging (lacking of a better word) does do some changes; psychological as much as mentally, to your being. Well, that’s life, too bad for me.

It is not the silence that is painful for me, but living it.

如果你也听说 by 张惠妹

突然发现站了好久, 不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我, 再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我, 就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可, 委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落, 拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候, 想你更多

如果你也听说, 有没有想过我
想普通交朋友, 还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说, 悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和, 舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说, 会不会相信我
对流言会附和, 还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多, 懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔

I TRIED BEING NORMAL ONCE, BUT BUT … IT DIDN’T WORK OUT

9 October 2007
Nice Tuesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 1000 (Singapore time)
Listen: 宽容 by 张信哲
Mood: *It is just another Day*

As a continuation of my title… So how now? Lan lan, don’t ask…

Anyway, some updates for you. Firstly, I think I have found my easi-link card. Not exactly me finding it… It’s my mom; apparently. Despite her nags and stuffs, she is pretty good at finding things. Yup, Moms always have an eye for discrepancies in daily details (like my misplaced cigarettes box haha)

Went for a good drink (read heavy) with Giggs last minute on Friday. We decide at 1030pm and be meeting an hour later… I had a good drink, so much so that I vomited my lunch/dinner/snacks, had a terrible hangover the day after and nearly couldn’t make it for my Eric Moo (巫启贤) in concert on Saturday night. Luckily I strong… 2 mugs of tea and some DIY porridge later, I am nearly good to go, which is a good thing. His concert is always more down to earth and easy going, which is a blessing, especially after I just had a sad episode (on my part). Next time don’t drink so much, my esophagus was badly damaged due to excessive vomiting of gastric juices and I had to nurse it back to health… But it feels good… and I like it.

My shipment came yesterday and I spend the whole day unpacking. People said it before, and now I must admit haha, I am a super bird who single-handedly unpacked 100 boxes worth of Junks. Moving the boxes around, in itself is a feat, not to mention unpacking the content. You get the drift.

I actually took a cab to work this morning. Cannot lah, my back is really sore will all the moving and unpacking. I knew it, the day after any strenuous exercise (like sex for instance) would render my body ache. Oh well, it is not everyday I get to overexert myself haha. Today meeting LK (plus a third chap), from the looks of my sentence, you will know it is not me who initiate it. Seriously, if I date LK out for a makan, why would I ask anyone else? Maybe Han, but he not that free haha.

I still missed you but then, it is only for Bird

I am in a dilemma; should I or shouldn’t I take the plunge? Would it change anything?

宽容 by 张信哲

凌晨两点半, 你还在我身旁
关上电话, 我不想和谁再多说话
爱着你的我, 认真听你说的每句话

凌晨两点半, 你不在我身旁
讨厌自己, 为何还要这样的牵挂
爱着你的我, 无法隐瞒自己对你的想法

你说你想要找个宽厚的肩膀
问自己带你到什么地方
看着明天, 告诉我你不会紧张
跟着我海角和天涯

我说我想要找个避风的港湾
谢谢你陪我到任何地方
你的宽容, 还有我温柔的包容
没有泪的夜晚是天堂

I TRIED BUT STILL I FAILED

5 October 2007
Nice Friday (32 Degree Celsius)
Evening @ 1930 (Singapore time)
Listen: 难以捉摸你的心 by 张洪量
Mood: *South Pole*

I have expectation that is why I am disappointed. This is the nature of life; expectation breeds deeper disappointment. I don’t want a relapse of T.A again, different lifestyle and still trying so hard to make it work. I was a great guy then and yet, I failed miserably… After 8 years, I am not the least nice now, so what are the odds? I cannot afford another failed episode; I am not getting young anymore… nor did I want to give it up… What can I do? Try Die cock standing?

I could drown myself in sorrow, burn my lungs in grief, trying to forget everything… Just like the good old days. I missed getting drunk and just collapse in angst. What else can I do to make sense of my surrounding, so I just give up; Life is too tough to move on, so let me live my loneliness in sorrow…

I just can’t seem to find the root of my problem? I have lived so long, so much so that nothing of these matter anymore. I just want to live the remaining of my life in peace. My only comfort is these little memories to keep me going through the long cold nights.

Where are you, my beloved… I have search in vain for you, 30 long years and it still not meant to be. How cruel life has dealt me. I long for comfort, in our arms, for love, in our smile, for happiness, in our winkle, but alas, such things are not meant to be and that, regretfully is the story of life, my life.

I missed you then, I missed you now, if only I knew who you are

难以捉摸你的心 by 张洪量

离开不离开你常常问我自己, 离开会伤心留下我怨你
啊 难以决定

想要改变自己看透这些事情, 奈何我们是红男和绿女
只能随著爱恨来去

是谁翻云覆雨了以後, 让我受尽相思的苦痛
却告诉我这一切全是错全是错

难以捉摸你的心, 在我身上是否用过感情
难道我不够好做错了什麼, 你这样折磨我
难以捉摸你的心, 莫非心中已有别的感情
你可以抛弃我何必管我痛
这爱又算什麼

FREE BURMA

4 October 2007
Nice Thursday (29 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 1000 (Singapore time)
Listen: Nil
Mood: *Nil*

I figure, as fellow dwellers on earth, this is the least I could do.

WHAT HAPPENED? DID YOU WISH FOR A BIG DICK AND BECOME ONE INSTEAD?

3 October 2007
Dull Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1130 (Singapore time)
Listen: 只因你伤心by 巫启贤 (粤)
Mood: *Cheese Pie Mood*

Fucking du lan…

Morning woke up, shower and got off to work. Halfway while waiting for lift, found out that I misplaced my easi-link card… went home to look for it… Nabei… no where to be found… that cost me (if lost) S$55 bucks… Morning also no Sun… Cow, damn dull

Reach Buona Vista, Wait for bus… So fucking crowded that I actually missed 3 of it… Cheese Pie

Reach office, had a quick smoke (too stressful), then got a call from movers, need to charge me cheese pie S$214 to move my stuffs down one flight of cheese pie stairs… Fucking daylight robbery… Tried to reason with them; it’s the fucking HDB you moron! You think I deliberately put that flight of stairs there or what!! Nabei… but before I blew up, I steady a bit… Cos it is the cheese pie company who will be footing the bill, why should I care…

Never mind, US movers send me another email, say haven’t pay them… email back to colleagues, asking them what the fish happened!! Then called up finance, ask them the content of meeting this Friday, basically to sign blank cheques again… Cheese Pie

Went off to smoke again, too stressful… come back, pay credit card bill, nearly die of shock; double triple cheese pies. Lucky yesterday on leave… Last morning woke up, suddenly don’t feel like going to work… took one day leave. Nice right, spent the whole day doing nothing…

I need to kick someone’s ass, anyone… Just some sucker to make my life seems a little not right, I will let it go on it. Argh… whatever happened to the 无惊无险又过了一天 theory? Cow, I need to kick someone… Lucky later got corporate lunch… Can at least see some pretty things…

Today not my day… So better lie low and get it over with… Cheers

只因你伤心 by 巫启贤 (粤)

春风秋雨在摇撼, 像已化作醉醒的烙印
再踏往日长街里, 愿那当天一切没发生

不经不觉没年份, 现己看见远方不是暗
远在岁月回忆里, 渡过多少飘泊夜雨侵

有你抱拥风中靠紧, 感觉改变我的厄运
有你暖火依偎我身, 像红日从未接近

我命运最难行, 只因你伤心
我未能爱别人, 知否总一等再等

即使心里是疑问, 共你纵有更多不合衬
远在昨日情深处, 亦有天空海阔梦变真

DO ONE FUCKING BRAVE THING TODAY… AND THEN RUN LIKE HELL

1 October 2007
Boring Monday (30 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 0850 (Singapore)
Listen: 知道 by 张惠妹
Mood: *Looking at the Stars*

As incomprehensible as my brain has becometh, I always wanted to do one little brave (read stupid) thing… It might sound a little crazy to some; I would to fly (like a bird, hence my nick). Well, not at all crazy… Nor do you want to read too much into my mental states; psychological terms call Inferring. That is the worst kind of theory haha, especially if you behave/thinks/feel like me. In short, I just want to fricking fly, cannot meh?

In any case, I am counting down to my retirement, it should be fun… Could be better if I have a job waiting for me after my self imposed one month break from everything (less work, life and more sex…). On second thought, I hope to run more, swim some, weights a little, sex a lot and wash everything down with drinks drinks and more drinks (not necessary in that order). Oh great…

One joke to usher in the week…

The last test for qualifying field agents is to examine their loyalty and that they “Don’t ask, Don’t tell, Just do it” thingy. Only 3 finalists are left in the meeting room and they are told that their last test is to kill their spouse with the gun given.

First chap, upon seeing his wife, sob and hug her. He does not have the mental strength
Second chap give up after a quarrel, wife too fierce for him.
Last chap…

Examiners heard some arguments, scream, 3 shots and a short pause. Someone cursed and later a table crashing. He came out, readjusting his suit…

The bullets are blanks, I have to use the table.

知道 by 张惠妹

既然都知道既然睡不著, 不如就把黑夜熬成破晓
我为自己骄傲我终于可以, 不靠感情这样过来了
想你是很好但我的心在退烧

逃, 假装是在寻找
我, 明明就不需要
人的心若是关不牢, 爱到不知如何是好
你能给多少突然我就是不想要
逃, 从天涯到海角
烧, 泪早就不知不觉烧乾了
你爱的谁都看得到
可是我就很不想要, 所以我这样放开了
怎么我会错乱了心跳, 是什么让我不堪其扰 oh~
既然都知道爱过了就好

逃, 从天涯到海角
烧, 泪早就不知不觉烧乾了
你爱的谁都看得到, 一厢情愿让我依靠
却不曾问我要不要