THIS ONE, THAT ONE, WHICH ONE?

29 April 2010

Hot & the Rainy Thursday (30 Degree Celsius)

Night @ 2100 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 爱要怎么说出口 by 赵传

Mood: *Ok lor”

Been a week since Claire’s arrival. Boy, did we do a lot. We changed the diapers, fed her well, shower time, pat pat her… Yup, the works. Next off to pediatrician for checks, Gynecologist checks and registering for Infant Care etc etc… Sometime, in between all the hustle and bustle of handling my little princess, there is no better joy and serenity in life just watching her falling asleep in her little cot. The peacefulness of her sleep just makes Daddy & Mummy hard work seems all worthwhile.

Our little princess is feeding well, growing well and behaving not too badly (For now). Still, I must constantly remind Mummy’s relatives not to pat/hug/carry her at her slightest provocation/tantrum. Lest she got used to the attention and becometh a habit, then how? Daddy die lor, must carry and hug her every now and then. Still, seeing her screaming her lungs out (for whatever reasons) does pain us… So looks like we are in for a nice run… Whatever that means…

To make life more interesting, during her first checkup at Thomson, apparently she needed some tests that require some of her blood; the nurse prick her little sole. Then lo & behold, Mummy went crying together with her. It is like both felt the pain of the needle… So daddy how? Daddy pat pat both of them and had a family hug, awwww….

Been popping over to Mummy’s in-law house everyday without fail, except for Saturday night where daddy was down with a slight cold. But then, I brought Grandma over to see Claire in the afternoon so technically still got to see Claire.

Our little Princess has been quite cute, save for some tiny winy attitude so far. Just like Daddy, seriously; she has no patience, have this “Gor Tak” little face, breathing ever so hard, big round eyes, fleshy ears and nose. Haha, got prosperous look. Oh well, hopefully she will turn out smart, kind and gentle. What else can we hope for…

Anything else beside those? Well, I had an episode of PMSing yesterday. I can’t really put a word to it, but I have been dragging my feet to work lately. There’s no joy and motivation for me to continue working and working hard. Especially so after Claire’s arrived. After so many years of education, I am reduce to being a buggy boy, an errant boy and worst (or slightly better, depending on perspective), a Chief Clerk. I needed more than these, I deserve more than these… I am neither lazy, nor stupid. I am fucking smart, hardworking and resourceful; Damn it, I need more challenges, more stimulation, more Money! I am so much better than the entire club’s fuckers, I deserve more than these!!

But then somewhere along the way, shit happens and now I’m reduced to such a state. Sometime, I should be thankful with whatever God’s bring forth. Ignorance is Bliss… Stupidity is Bliss-er.

For the happy people in life, rock on!

爱要怎么说出口 by 赵传

我痛啊...

叫我怎么能不难过, 你劝我灭了心中的火, 我还能够怎么说, 怎么说都是错

你对我说, 离开就会解脱, 试着自已去生活,

试着找寻自我, 别再为爱蹉跎

只是爱要怎么说出口, 我的心里好难受, 如果能将你拥有, 我会忍住不让眼泪流

第一次握你的手, 指尖传来你的温柔

每一次深情眼光的背后, 谁知道会有多少愁多少愁

如果要我, 把心对你解剖, 只要改变这结果

我会说我愿意做, 我受够了寂寞

PRESENTING, MS CLAIRE CLAIRE!!!

22 April 2010

Hot & the Rainy Thursday (35 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 1850 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 纪念 by Tanya Chua

Mood: *Wooohoo!”

First and foremost, let me welcome the newest addition to my family; Claire! Yup, on 20 April 2010, Claire was born. The wait was worth it, every bit of it.

The Chronology of events goes like this

Monday, 19 April 2010 at 1400hrs – We were at Dr Ang’s clinic for a routine check. Just 2 days ago on Saturday, we had our check already but then he say must double confirm, so got a half day leave and went for a CTG scan. Spent 1 hour hooked onto the machine and the scan turns out to be normal, everything was ok (or so we thought). We even have time to go IMM jalan jalan. Then came the initial scare, Mummy suddenly got a cramp, which evolved to a pain and then to more pain while Daddy was in between contemplating whether to go for my routine run or not…

1700hrs – Mummy don’t feel good, kept cringing and tossing around in bed… Daddy figures he shouldn’t go for the run, just in case…

1730hrs – Pain quicken but Mummy managed to take a quick bath (might be last bath for a long time) while Daddy prepare some makan (for us… since it might also take a while…). Mummy no appetite so Daddy (being the official garbage disposal) ate all up (Yup, it might take a while you know…). Anyway, Daddy showered second time in 1 hour, just because he was virtually in perspiration mode the whole while; preparing Mummy for shower, makan, wash clothes, hang clothes, just to make sure, ensure that everything gona be ok.

1800hrs – Called Dr Ang and he casually mentioned to check into the hospital at 2230hrs only. No need to rush (in his words). But hor, Mummy really in deep agony and hence, with our lack of options and in all Daddy’s wisdom, it is for the better that we go to Hospital now, rather than later, especially when Mummy can still limp to car…

1840hrs – after much difficulty, we managed to reach car. It rained like nobody business and guess what? Daddy forgot his car key… so lan lan, quickly rush back home for it.

1850hrs – finally drove off to Hospital. Stuck in rush hour, together with heavy rain, it’s a recipe for SLOW DRIVE the whole of fucking PIE… It’s ok, the ride was still smooth (by any account).

1930hrs – reach hospital, do admission, give credit card (yes, you need deposit, this is Singapore), credit card approved, signed my life-away-documents, then nurse wheel Mummy to ward. Imagine if you got no money, damn broke or shit happens, how? Welcome to Singapore! Too bad for you

2000hrs – Anyway, nurses called Dr Ang, wait in ward while the next door neighbor was celebrating her birth with the entire clan worth of people. That is why I wanted a One Bedded… Sigh… Shit happens and we are stuck with 2 (at the price of 4 bedded anyway… why? Because I am especially nice to everyone). Besides, you never know what might happen… especially so in a hospital… ANYWAY, Dr Ang finally turns up at 2230hrs (how convenient) and commented that it is still too early… Mummy cannot be dripped (epidural – since it is way too early) and so how now? Lan lan, Mummy stayed in ward while Daddy went home for a quick shut eye.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010, 0300hrs - Mummy’s SMS came in; Mummy going into labour ward soon, cannot have cellphone (some interference thingy). Wonderfully half-asleep Daddy misread it as Mummy is in Labour. Damn, Daddy was about to wake up at 0430hrs anyway, so how? Quickly showered and drove down in record time of 15 min to Hospital.

0430hrs – Saw Mummy, realized my mistake and slumped onto the cold waiting chair beside her.

0600hrs – Dr Ang drop by for his ward visit. Lament that the dilation for the whole night is too slow and recommend having the induction going. Now, Mummy is feeling feverish and unwell. A dose of Antibiotics should do the trick.

0630hrs – Slept a bit at the family waiting lounge. Unlike the labour wards, this place is slightly warmer… Only slightly…

0700hrs – Tummy growling and figure that it hasn’t been fed for the past 12 hours, so took across the bridge for breakfast (it sucks by the way). Came back feeling all oily. Pat Mummy a bit and went wandering about…

0800hrs – Had second breakfast (Sucks big time) that cost me like 10 bucks (double sucky). Why? Because Daddy got nothing better to do… It is wait and wait somemore

0830hrs – Pat Mummy again

0900hrs – Read papers, slept a bit, read paper backwards, Exploring my Nokia N97 and its wonders… battery dying after intense usage… regretful and hoping it wouldn’t die…

1130hrs – Check on Mummy, fever down, still feeling weak.

1200hrs – Went back to lounge for drinks… read papers inversely

1230hrs – decided to pat Mummy but to my horror, she is not in her ward. Panic mode, ask Mummy’s whereabouts at reception only to find out she is in delivery ward (anytime SOON!!)

1235hrs – found her, fuck the nurses for NOT telling me… I joke I joke, we needed the nurses more than they needed us, so you do the math. ANYWAY, nurse demonstrated how to do the push and let us figure out the pushing on our own (must practice)

1245hrs – Dr Ang came in, joke about doing 4 deliveries today, and something like God is kind to him, because he go bible study class recently… DUH… No one actually notice his jokes (except for me) I am neither the one in labour, or the helpers, the only Jo Bo Lan chap in the entire room, so OF COURSE I GET HIS JOKES lah

1250hrs – same thing, tell us to push, push harder, push somemore, push like you never shit in days (his exact words… funny guy)… while I am just there, going through the motion.

XXXXhrs – Suddenly Dr Ang gave the last burst, and out came Claire and onto Mummy’s lap! Woo, the whole 1 min thereafter is pretty surreal. I wasn’t expecting it to be out so soon (watch too many dramas, thought baby will need some pushing – a lot, before popping out). Nurses kept gesturing me to take the time of birth, Dr Ang passed me the scissors for the umbilical cord cut, all the while seeing Mummy smiling weakly, Claire crying, nurses running around…

1310hrs – Weigh Claire, go back room, all tidied up, blood stains here and there but basically, its cleaned. Dr Ang move on to his 2nd delivery of the day… damn efficient I tell you

1315hrs – Phone grandma, Mummy’s relations, sms friends and finally, at 1400hrs, can sigh a relieve… by then Grandma arrive in record time to, just to catch a glimpse of Claire …

The rest of the time was pretty autopilot. Friends and relatives all gather around, Hiok came, Han’s with his family (awww, handsome little Raph), Chris too. In all, we collected like hundreds of bottled Chicken essences, ginseng-ed Bird Nest, Fish essences etc etc, with some toys here and there. James came too, with his BIG ang bao, more essences and a bright little sunflower. Daniel and GF too, on the second day.

With Those, I ended my story, for today. Claire, We love you.

SUCH IS LIFE

12 April 2010

Hot & Humid Monday (33 Degree Celsius)

Early Night @ 1950 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 纪念 by Tanya Chua

Mood: *Sian, Sibei Sian”

Such is life. Yup, today got “last-min-then-tell-me” information and I had to do everything in my power to get it out. Then again, I’m a great actor/information processor; nothing will make me look damn bad in front of bosses. I digest the information as it comes and figure out what all the rackets and hell is/are all about. Damn, I’m brilliant! Always try to keep information from me, right? Never expect me to pick it up along the way and actually understanding it right? Nabei, KNNFB But that’s life and at least I am doing something remotely productive, even if I hated the idea of last minute stuffs. Oh well…

Went to hose my car down, too dirty and besides, I spotted a little spider crawling around. Double damn. After that, pick up wife, reach home, gave a stupid “I-don’t-want-to-jog-cos-looks-like-rain- coming” excuse and bingo… I ate dinner. Maybe, just maybe, I might go for a jog later but we’ll see. For your information, there is no rain, NOT even a drop of condensation, if you must.

Oh dear, wife is vomiting now, think the little princess is churning around. Haiz, little Claire Claire misbehaved again… what to do… Hang in there baby and Wife. Wish I could be of some help but alas, its better to keep my mouth shut with the least trouble as possible, in case wife agonized over my everything and anything. Such is life

Just got her some warm water to drink. Sometime, I wonder, it is these little gestures that I would never dream of doing. If I wanted anything in the past, I will get it myself and not rely on other’s generosity or kindness/bo-pian-ness. But now, my life priorities have changed. It’s Wife, Daughter, Mom, then me. Gosh, how low in the food chain have I demoted to.

Gosh, I am about to be a father, a Dad. When I come home next time, someone will rush towards me, grab me by the leg and scream out “Daddy! Daddy!” Gosh, I am gona be a dad! Gee, the adrenaline drive makes my head a little light… Steady man, Steady… Everything will be just OK.

Claire, be nice. Treat other’s with the same kindness as your Mom & Dad would have. Be sincere and above all, love yourself. That’s all I am asking… Loving you ever so much, little Claire.

纪念 by Tanya Chua

想念变成一条线, 在时间里面蔓延

长得可以把世界切成了两个面

他在春天那一边, 你的秋天刚落叶, 刚落叶

如果从此不见面, 让你凭记忆想念

本来这段爱情可以记得很完美

他的样子已改变, 有新伴侣的气味, 的气味

那一瞬间你终于发现, 那曾深爱过的人(嗯)~~

早在告别的那天, 已消失在这个世界

也许那一次见面, 是生命给你机会

了解爱只是人所渴望的投射面

只是渴望会改变, 他的爱已经不见已不见

那一瞬间你终于发现, 心中的爱和思念

都只是属于自己曾经拥有过

曾经拥有过曾经拥有过的纪念

DON’T LISTEN TO BEAR, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A RICH BEAR?

6 April 2010

Sunny Tuesday (33 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 空白格 by Tanya Chua

Mood: *Yawn”

Today was fucking boring. To say its B.O.R.I.N.G is an understatement… I practically went for toilet break like every ½ hour… And I got no one to chat with… DAMN… I could, in theory, chat with my clerks but they already so short of time for departments’ works (unlike their lobo boss) and by talking to them, they are obliged (for obvious reason) to entertain me… It is already sucky trying to make their life difficult by implementing controls and obstacles to eating snakes, now they have to waste time entertaining me? I joke I joke… I shall eat snake alone then… What to do…

And if things can’t go any south-er, my fucking department secretary called me at 1.45pm and so kanchiongly say its Dr Kieran’s Birthday (errm, ok), quickly come to meeting room to celebrate (right…)… Now, quickly come now… (oh, like I Care…) haha, you seriously think I care and really wana go? So I did what I do best, I leisurely reply one email, slowly drag my big fat ass out of the cubicle and sluggishly shashay into the meeting room, just in time for group photo… Ya, like I fucking care… too bad, I go because I was bored, seriously… Why you think I bother to go if I am busy? Even though it is like only 30secs worth of walk, not even burning 10 calories, come and think of it.

Annual Increment sucks and I did not get my promotion, thereby confirming my theory that not only you have to suck up to big bosses but also need to have reciprocity. Meaning to say if you got the right connection and the right audience, even if you scale one molehill, people will applause. If you got nothing, don’t say molehill, even 10 Everest also people yawn in their seat. Oh well, life is as such and we can only endure and carry on. That paycheck, no matter how bad and pathetic, do come in handy every month end. No really…

The only saving grace? My boss is on 2 days off. Boy, did that helps a lot. No boss around, the time seems easier to pass. What else I do? Think I’m down with a slight (for now) cold. Damn, it sucks being sick and can’t do my training. Oh yes, did I tell you I am training hard (for my age), don’t know for what purpose but guess I wanted to feel the muscle soreness and pain of my earlier years. I hope I can really tahan and endure till next ICT and make it part of my lifestyle. I gave up smoking for Claire Claire and Mommy and have had to find things to fill up the void, BINGO, what can be better than exercise and training to have the nicest taut body? Maybe not taut lah, but fit. I too, missed the sensation of pain and agony, yes, those feelings that accompanied me through the long lonely nights of my younger years. I joke I joke. No, seriously, as much as I long for the fitness of my younger years, guess whatever it is, I have to slowly find it back and be contented with whatever I can achieve.

On that note (The contentment, not fitness), Seow was telling us after the yearly disappointment; be contented lah. Somehow I wish I could agree with him but alas, we are but mere mortal, blinded by greed and lust for power & money, and more money & power… Sigh… we are doomed to fail… to bring my point succinctly across, let’s put it this way; if its not for LOSERS running amok amongst us, how you differentiate me from them? Seriously, it’s like Pigs, doing nothing but eat, sleep, fuck and then eat somemore, sleep somemore and (yes) fuck, but I digress.

Oh yes, little Claire Claire, remember to eat up and grow big big, ok? Wait mummy worry about you being a small small little princess during birth. Don’t worry the already worried mind of Mummy ok? Just like Daddy, everything also eat, anywhere also can sleep and anything also ok (maybe not anything but close). Be strong, Beautiful and smart like Daddy & Mummy… Ignore our little flaws along the way, ok?

Yes, We love you ever so much.

LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT, LOOK HOW FAR WE'VE COME MY BABY

4 April 2010

Rainy Sunday (28 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2050 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 永远永远 by 李翊君

Mood: *Like that lor”

I better finished off the last touch and get my wedding chronicles out before Claire Claire is due. I really should stop procrastination.

First off, I was a little apprehensive the night before. For some unexplained reason, I felt I had let my little snoopy down. For the longest time, I reckoned that it is in every girl’s dream that the wedding entails glittering events for the entire day & night, coupled with fireworks and such. For that given one day, she is the princess, the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world.

Yet, we had to make do with every human and humanely possible ways, given the short time frame. But I’m glad we did. Through trials and tribulation, (well, not exactly that dramatic), we managed to make this the most beautiful time of our life thy far (Less the birth of our baby)

I hope our closest friends and relatives whom attended and gave their blessings would count our wedding event as one of their more (if not most) memorable ones. Food aside (yes, every one gave their two thumbs up for the wonderful, albeit expensive wedding dinner), we are overwhelmed with the kindest support and well wishes from everyone. We are blessed with your friendship. Thank you.

Oh yes, how I can forget to include those emotional moments; my mom cried during the customary tea ceremony (later it was Lena’s aunt, then Mom again during the solemnization…). During solemnization, I joke joke a little, Lena cried during the ceremony, I laugh again at my jokes, she bit my arm, we frown a little, she bite somemore, we smile and kissed at the end of all.

It was perfect. Sharing a little hug and kisses with the love of my life after our solemnization ceremony.

And now, all we have to do and we are all ready and prepared; For our beloved Claire Claire’ arrival. Hopefully the big white stork will not eat snake and be on time.

I love you

You’re still the one by Shania Twain

When I first saw you, I saw love.

And the first time you touched me, I felt love.

And after all this time, you're still the one I love

Looks like we made it, look how far we've come my baby

We might have took the long way, we knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one) You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to, You're the one I want for life

(You're still the one) You're still the one that I love

The only one I dream of, You're still the one I kiss goodnight

Ain't nothing better, we beat the odds together

I'm glad we didn't listen, look at what we would be missing

I'm so glad we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

A GOOD-BYE IS ONLY PAINFUL IF YOU KNOW YOU'LL NEVER SAY HELLO AGAIN

3 April 2010

Rainy Saturday (29 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 永远永远 by 李翊君

Mood: *Tired”

Might as well… I simply refused to sleep early last night. Come on, it’s the long holidays, and despite having to work on Friday, it is still a long weekend! So I did what I had to do and only drag my simply-cannot-take-it-anymore body to bed at 1am. Damn, 1am it’s like the new 9pm for 95% of the population…. That is why also most look like zombie daily. Yup I go to bed daily from 11 to 6 so that I feel like a fucking winner every day. It’s really your call… to be a winner or a wuss. The choice is clear.

Friday after work, each home all tired. Work aside, I might have trained a little too much on Wednesday. My leg cramped in the middle of Thursday morning and arms sore till Friday night. But it is good shit. I kind of enjoyed these pains, been a while since I felt anything so alive… No wonder people around me called me weird little bird… including my wife

Today early morning brought Mom for her medical appointment which stretched till noon and I had to rush off for our first house viewing after that. Well, at least can get to see a couple of houses before making that important plunge. But the price and that CB cash over valuation, oh my god, how on earth can anyone even afford an apartment now without slogging within an inch of their life… Well it used to be like that, presently, even if you slogged till your last breath, don’t even know whether can survive the rat race and keeping all the joneses happy or not.

Still, like the government used to say, its all your fault. Oh really? Yes, Who ask you to believe in them; believing in their promises to provide a roof over your fucking head and bring home the bacon or bread (for those fucking minority bastard)… You be lucky if they don’t tax you for having sex.

I am so disappointed with the government. We serve with sweat and blood, our prime years wasted in national defence and now, I cannot even afford the basic necessity in life. Oh well, like they say, I aim too high lah, why aim so high and think like a winner? Why don’t I just settle for ghetto or slums… that way, I can still have my rotten bread and moldy bacon and eat it. In short, it’s our fucking fault.

Enough said, I shall be nice for the remaining of the days and be thankful for everything.

Claire Claire, my beloved Claire Claire… Honey Honey, My beloved Honey…

My love and my life, Daddy misses you so muchie… Eat well, sleep better and we’ll be waiting for your arrival in 4 weeks time. Till then, we love you.

永远永远 by 李翊君

一直以为自己可以很坚强, 原来和你一样害怕着孤单

没有你的夜晚, 星星和我一样彷徨, 挂在天上, 忽明又忽暗

不知不觉窗外的天已变亮, 原来醒的时间越来越长

没有你的异乡, 只有冷风陪我流浪, 我怕我的思念, 游不过这片海洋

别对我说永远, 永远, 永远, 永远是太昂贵的誓言

我握不住也看不见, 最后随着浪涛消失不见

别对我说永远, 永远, 永远, 永远不是我要的明天

你爱过我就已足够, 就算到了最后爱已搁浅, 只求你留我在你心田

因为太了解所以很伤心, 没有你只好听着风的呼吸

1 April 2010

Grey Thursday (32 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 了解 by 孙燕姿

Mood: *Normal”

Lena went for a quick gynecology check and to settle our otherwise rattling hearts, the doctor decided to do a CTG (Scan for contraction, heart rate and stuff). We stayed under observation in ward for about 1 ½ hour. At least that got us assured that everything is ok. Naughty little baby…

Went back to office and faced with a complaint of harassment. I literally screwed the culprit and make sure that it never ever happens again, at least not under my watch. Everyone was perked up by it, what can be a better way to end the long weekend. Alas, I am on duty tomorrow but still, it’s a good holiday. Oh yes, I got like 3% increment, some say it is not even enough for a bottle of red (wow, must be damn expensive kind). Well, don’t complain lah, might as well move on. And that is precisely what I going to do… Just give me the opportunity…

Of course, things don’t just fall from heaven, unlike shit, so how? I shall actively hunt for my job; not necessarily a dream job, but something that will bring enable me to bring home bigger bacon and more bread. Yup, at a ripe old age of 32 and I can barely afford life’s wonders. KNNFB and all I can ever blame is myself; for fucking up my life big time.

I am not a loser, not stupid or lazy and I shall prove to the world that I am destined for greater things.

Watch this space.

了解 by 孙燕姿

等于结束的爱情

我和你从两个窗口看出去

往事远远地, 演着一场无声的电影　

没人注意

躲着回忆的生体　

带领我和你的名字向前进

作废的曾经, 留在离开你那天, 挥不去

因为太了解所以很伤心　

没有你只好听着风的呼吸

却有种叫做时间的东西　

说没问题, 最后我们会痊癒

因为太了解我无法坚定　

这一次会要掉眼泪的决定

有些遗憾只能一个人听

很对不起, 我还是珍惜

所有的事情