谁让你心动? 谁又让你心痛?
12 December 2007
Heavy Rainy Wednesday (29 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 0050 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 爱情转移 by陈奕迅
Mood: *Bird Is Sad*
Today finally did a telegraphic transfer of funds to my US account. Cost me S$50 bucks just to TT the money over. Its ok, my “friends” over there will pay for this insolence… One fine day, when all things go south, they will regret ever stepping on my Tails.
Met Kwek for dinner. Not a bad dinner actually, don’t know why fussy him cow peh so much, I mean, its food no? Despite his steak don’t know what taste (could it be pork?), its still food… Haha. Oh yes, we finally had waffle. Yup, and Gayish us actually shared one teeny weeny waffle. Lucky he married and I am sort of Straight (despite my preferences haha), if not, don’t know how to explain to friends/relatives if they saw us.
On the cannot explain note, I still cannot understand why and how the sky can muster so much water and kept raining it down upon us every day without fail. Driving in these conditions is terribly dangerous but then, no matter, since life’s like that.
Moving on… Its sadness time…
At the end of the eastern world, on this very peak of Jurong Hill Park, in between messaging her, Bird suddenly had a revelation. People already have a boyfriend, why does Bird still clinging onto some little ray of hope? To end, it is not even any hope, or ray, but much worse.
Let’s call it an ideology. An idea that perverse our sanity and make everything seems ok, parallel to justifying one action over morality! For simplicity sake, I’ll call it loneliness. I am lonely (as obvious), perhaps that is why sometime I did certain things unilaterally and prioritizes some lesser importance issues over others (like some humans over others). And I somehow love to make the same mistake over and over again; I just don’t seem to learn. Me think Bird is not very smart up there in the grey matter. I mean, take any animals, give it a Pavlov’s Dog Reflex test, it can learn with flying colors, so what then be so difficult as this conscious learning?
But then, bird never will learn. He hasn’t, still is and will probably never be. This is a personal tragedy on his part. Nevertheless, his only saving grace is that every single living thing only lived once and depending on your belief, could only be living that many years on this planet. So let’s eat, drink, be merry and die then. Less stressful for the heart and better for the World at large.
Till we meet again…
Drats, I have to say I miss you very much again. Though you never will know and most probably I never will tell you anyway. I hate myself… as much as I love the pain of my heart breaks.
I JUST HAVE TO MISS SOMEONE… ANYONE! AND IT HAD TO BE YOU… I am fucked… but happy. I am seriously happy… You brought untold joy and happiness to my world and do you know why?
Because 一切很美, 只因有你™
Heavy Rainy Wednesday (29 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 0050 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 爱情转移 by陈奕迅
Mood: *Bird Is Sad*
Today finally did a telegraphic transfer of funds to my US account. Cost me S$50 bucks just to TT the money over. Its ok, my “friends” over there will pay for this insolence… One fine day, when all things go south, they will regret ever stepping on my Tails.
Met Kwek for dinner. Not a bad dinner actually, don’t know why fussy him cow peh so much, I mean, its food no? Despite his steak don’t know what taste (could it be pork?), its still food… Haha. Oh yes, we finally had waffle. Yup, and Gayish us actually shared one teeny weeny waffle. Lucky he married and I am sort of Straight (despite my preferences haha), if not, don’t know how to explain to friends/relatives if they saw us.
On the cannot explain note, I still cannot understand why and how the sky can muster so much water and kept raining it down upon us every day without fail. Driving in these conditions is terribly dangerous but then, no matter, since life’s like that.
Moving on… Its sadness time…
At the end of the eastern world, on this very peak of Jurong Hill Park, in between messaging her, Bird suddenly had a revelation. People already have a boyfriend, why does Bird still clinging onto some little ray of hope? To end, it is not even any hope, or ray, but much worse.
Let’s call it an ideology. An idea that perverse our sanity and make everything seems ok, parallel to justifying one action over morality! For simplicity sake, I’ll call it loneliness. I am lonely (as obvious), perhaps that is why sometime I did certain things unilaterally and prioritizes some lesser importance issues over others (like some humans over others). And I somehow love to make the same mistake over and over again; I just don’t seem to learn. Me think Bird is not very smart up there in the grey matter. I mean, take any animals, give it a Pavlov’s Dog Reflex test, it can learn with flying colors, so what then be so difficult as this conscious learning?
But then, bird never will learn. He hasn’t, still is and will probably never be. This is a personal tragedy on his part. Nevertheless, his only saving grace is that every single living thing only lived once and depending on your belief, could only be living that many years on this planet. So let’s eat, drink, be merry and die then. Less stressful for the heart and better for the World at large.
Till we meet again…
Drats, I have to say I miss you very much again. Though you never will know and most probably I never will tell you anyway. I hate myself… as much as I love the pain of my heart breaks.
I JUST HAVE TO MISS SOMEONE… ANYONE! AND IT HAD TO BE YOU… I am fucked… but happy. I am seriously happy… You brought untold joy and happiness to my world and do you know why?
Because 一切很美, 只因有你™
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