Wednesday, September 5, 2007

THAT WAS FAST??

5 September 2007
Sunny Wednesday (31 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 1130 (Singapore)
Listen: 无所谓 by 蔡健雅
Mood: *The best is yet to be… ya, is yet... Don't know when only*

Yup. That was fast. I am back in Singapore and it is the third day and counting. It will be a long count as far as the eyes could see. Not entirely a bad thing, at least this time, the going would be easier; with love ones and friends around, I supposed that would make life a little better and easier to fall back into the system.

Overcast and raining for the longest time and today, lo dude, its sunny. Was telling my mom how come today so bright… she told me Raining complain, Overcast complain; now Sunny also complain. I love my mom…

Oh yes, was telling Hiok and Han my little preference of late, both were somewhat surprised and maybe with a tinge of disbelieved (on Hiok’s Part). But then, it’s a choice and a preference that I like, lets keep it as that, easier for the heart too. It is not a matter of cost or whatever reason we tried to conjure up, like I said, its preference, plain old preference.

Oh well, the things I do to make sense of myself. I had lunch with Hiok too, met up with Ding and later decide to jalan around and ended up in Raffles Place to have a smoke break with Han. We left for an impromptu drink later; would have been nice if there are sweet young things with us but alas, such things are not meant to last. Why bother the already bothered mind? In any case, I was awake till 9.30pm and that was a feat by itself. Slowly but surely, I will get over my jetlag.

I always enjoy chatting with Hiok and Han, it is not too hard to see that they are my few best friends around. Both with such differ personality and getting insights into their views and thoughts; we are non-judgmental and non-intervention (ya, like ASEAN) but not quite ASEAN as they tried to remedy some deviation (like my preference for example).

On that part (lasting), it seems that part of the problem (in place of a better word) with growing old is to sacrifice a part of your youth for stability. I supposed it all boils down to what human’s definition of maturity. I too love to fall in crushes and infatuation every now and then; where I can feel alive, with every heart beat hastened, anticipation of your arrival and if any, a chat with you. At times, I wonder (rather stupidly) why doesn’t you reciprocate my niceties and long for you to just tell me that, “hey I missed you too”.

That is the root of my problem; while others can draw the line (as the saying goes) and to stop their feelings from developing further, I prefer to let myself down an endless pit and stay that way. Not entirely a bad thing, just the recovering part is a little hard to bear. I long for a companion too, don’t us all do?

So what now? Tonight got drink, tonight drunk; easier for my shattered heart.

My love, where thou are you?

1 comment:

Parrots of the Currybean said...

you not going to turn gay are you?