如果这是我爱你最好的距离
31 May 2007
Sunny Thursday (33 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1420 (Washington DC Time)
Listen: 如果这是我爱你最好的距离by 苏永康
Mood: *Oh well…*
I was thinking, if it wasn’t for my mom, then there would be no reasons whatsoever to be alive now. I mean I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to come home to and certainly nothing in sight for anything, vis-à-vis say love. So basically I am a hollow shell, living for the sake of the next meal and maybe trying to stay alive. Not the best of thoughts (in my long list of random reflections) but I think it is the truest feeling I had for ages. How more years can I live here? I wouldn’t know, but what if we want to know, would that makes life more predictable and perhaps less/more morbid?
For all its intent and purpose, I was hoping for Blossoming in my love life but after 30 years of wilderness, guess I would just have to accept the barren of it; it is hard no doubt about it but that’s life. No one says it will be nice, does it?
Things people do never fails to marvel me. Take one lady for example, sent me one full page of email never mind, still have the energy to reply full page emails 3 consecutive times somemore. In the end, I still cannot understand what she wants… So I did what I do best, read first line, if it doesn’t make sense, delete and move on to Coffee break. But I wouldn’t be that cruel too. In a way, I pitied her, no one actually bothers to read and reply her and yet she put all her energy in crafting the reply. She must be feeling rather bitter having to deal with scumbags who don’t see her side of the story. Like I said, that’s life; either you are there or trying to get there. For me? I simply drop out of the race. Not my style I know but if you are in my shoes and knowing the extent of turmoil I face every waking minute, you would do the same thing too.
My mood has also become increasing unpredictable. I get agitated by little things and simply in depression almost every other day. I am kidding on the other day depression though it is not far from it. I would love to enjoy the day, admiring the flowers, seeing how beautiful life is but I just can’t. I don’t have the patience and strength to live through the process; it seems I have too many things on my mind and it always screaming for my attention. A comparison would be me taking your hands and go for a stroll but that wouldn’t be possible, right? I am that helpless in face of reality. I hate reality but not as much as it is the product of my own anxiety, confusion and possible denial. All of it would inevitably cause (one thing or the other) my own perception and ultimate acceptance of life’s little baggage. Remember this book; Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same. It is exactly that (give & take).
Funny stuff this dream thing also. I dreamt I was out with LK last night. Like I said, funny stuffs these dreams are made of. Oh well, if there is any consolation, I remembered you singing this song a decade aback… Yup, still vividly remember the way you end the chorus. Something to remember you by I guess. And so you know too, we are that old already and I miss you.
如果这是我爱你最好的距离 by 苏永康
一天寄一张, 没有地址的明信片给你, 今天在东京明天在巴黎
只想告诉你, 我身不由己学不会分离
不断寻找, 逐渐模糊的回忆
Sunny Thursday (33 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1420 (Washington DC Time)
Listen: 如果这是我爱你最好的距离by 苏永康
Mood: *Oh well…*
I was thinking, if it wasn’t for my mom, then there would be no reasons whatsoever to be alive now. I mean I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to come home to and certainly nothing in sight for anything, vis-à-vis say love. So basically I am a hollow shell, living for the sake of the next meal and maybe trying to stay alive. Not the best of thoughts (in my long list of random reflections) but I think it is the truest feeling I had for ages. How more years can I live here? I wouldn’t know, but what if we want to know, would that makes life more predictable and perhaps less/more morbid?
For all its intent and purpose, I was hoping for Blossoming in my love life but after 30 years of wilderness, guess I would just have to accept the barren of it; it is hard no doubt about it but that’s life. No one says it will be nice, does it?
Things people do never fails to marvel me. Take one lady for example, sent me one full page of email never mind, still have the energy to reply full page emails 3 consecutive times somemore. In the end, I still cannot understand what she wants… So I did what I do best, read first line, if it doesn’t make sense, delete and move on to Coffee break. But I wouldn’t be that cruel too. In a way, I pitied her, no one actually bothers to read and reply her and yet she put all her energy in crafting the reply. She must be feeling rather bitter having to deal with scumbags who don’t see her side of the story. Like I said, that’s life; either you are there or trying to get there. For me? I simply drop out of the race. Not my style I know but if you are in my shoes and knowing the extent of turmoil I face every waking minute, you would do the same thing too.
My mood has also become increasing unpredictable. I get agitated by little things and simply in depression almost every other day. I am kidding on the other day depression though it is not far from it. I would love to enjoy the day, admiring the flowers, seeing how beautiful life is but I just can’t. I don’t have the patience and strength to live through the process; it seems I have too many things on my mind and it always screaming for my attention. A comparison would be me taking your hands and go for a stroll but that wouldn’t be possible, right? I am that helpless in face of reality. I hate reality but not as much as it is the product of my own anxiety, confusion and possible denial. All of it would inevitably cause (one thing or the other) my own perception and ultimate acceptance of life’s little baggage. Remember this book; Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same. It is exactly that (give & take).
Funny stuff this dream thing also. I dreamt I was out with LK last night. Like I said, funny stuffs these dreams are made of. Oh well, if there is any consolation, I remembered you singing this song a decade aback… Yup, still vividly remember the way you end the chorus. Something to remember you by I guess. And so you know too, we are that old already and I miss you.
如果这是我爱你最好的距离 by 苏永康
一天寄一张, 没有地址的明信片给你, 今天在东京明天在巴黎
只想告诉你, 我身不由己学不会分离
不断寻找, 逐渐模糊的回忆
一天送一束, 没有署名的玫瑰给你, 假装是你我还在一起
在没有你的国度里, 好好专心的想你
不断逃避, 我的心就不会死去
如果这是我爱你最好的距离, 我愿意永远的离开你
如果这是你给我最温柔的暗示, 我可以永远的忘了你
如果这是我爱你最好的距离, 我愿意欺骗我自己离开你
如果这是你给我最温柔的等待, 我可以孤单的走下去
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