MEET BOB, BOB TRIED TO STEAL MY COOKIES, HAHA BOB, HAHA

12 October 2007
Sudden Shower Friday (30 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1400 (Singapore time)
Listen: 用情by 张信哲
Mood: *It is but another Day*

Today had a revelation; it seems for better or for worst, I am defined by my job. Such revelation can only happened when you are like me, going to be jobless in 6 days time and with no future in sight. It seems also humans (as much as we hated the idea), live on hope, stability and peace. Now, try removing 2 of it and you will understand my feelings. Oh Drats. Nevertheless, every minute of my staying here is a verification of my humiliation and undermining my self worth. Argh…

But I did say a long time ago that being lobo in Cheese pie Company is sian but got cheese pie pay rather than lobo-ing at home, no cheese pie company but also no cheese pie pay, such theory in itself is self fulfilling. How nice…

But we need to wake up from our day dreams some time… Like Mr Nyo says; 有时候，应该有决定放弃的智慧，男人的青春也是有限的… Ok, point taken.

用情 by 张信哲

不怨不悔难有相同的感情给谁
对与不对由时间体会
谁不是这样以为骗自己忘了无所谓
却事与愿违往事轻扣我心扉

花开的美美不过你笑容的妩媚

午夜梦回怕景物憔悴
怎能不这样以为没有你尝遍痛苦滋味
是我太沉醉让思念步步相随

我用情付诸流水爱比不爱可悲
听山盟海誓曾经说的字字都珍贵
想你温柔的双臂会甜蜜的圈住谁

我用情付诸流水爱比不爱可悲
听山盟海誓曾经说的字字都珍贵
不见男人的眼泪停在眼眶里
那样苦苦徘徊

好多好多的话想对你说

11 October 2007
Nice Thursday (35 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1430 (Singapore time)
Listen: 如果你也听说 by 张惠妹
Mood: *It is but a Sad Day*

On a not so gloomy side, Tuesday night went for a dinner and drink session with my buddies; LK and Han (third chap cannot make it…But that’s ok). I always enjoyed their company tremendously; no pressure, nothing fanciful and best of all, no pretensions. Wednesday went for another karaoke lunch and a movie session with Guppy. Found the parallel imported CDs Store and went home empty-handed. Like I told her, it looks terribly unglam to walk around with some CDs in plastic bags.

But I think let us not kid anyone anymore. It is a fact of my life; just have to live and get on with life. Not at all a bad thing if you are in my shoes, besides, I have been living it for as long as I can remembers. I could try to know you better but to what purpose, to what extend… In the end, it doesn’t matter anymore. In any case, if you are unwilling, what then can I do? I guess I do not have the energy for such activities, if there is fate, chemistry or divine intervention, then it will be, if not, then it is not meant to be at all. I supposed aging (lacking of a better word) does do some changes; psychological as much as mentally, to your being. Well, that’s life, too bad for me.

It is not the silence that is painful for me, but living it.

如果你也听说 by 张惠妹

突然发现站了好久, 不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我, 再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我, 就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可, 委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落, 拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候, 想你更多

如果你也听说, 有没有想过我
想普通交朋友, 还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说, 悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和, 舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说, 会不会相信我
对流言会附和, 还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多, 懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔

I TRIED BEING NORMAL ONCE, BUT BUT … IT DIDN’T WORK OUT

9 October 2007
Nice Tuesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 1000 (Singapore time)
Listen: 宽容 by 张信哲
Mood: *It is just another Day*

As a continuation of my title… So how now? Lan lan, don’t ask…

Anyway, some updates for you. Firstly, I think I have found my easi-link card. Not exactly me finding it… It’s my mom; apparently. Despite her nags and stuffs, she is pretty good at finding things. Yup, Moms always have an eye for discrepancies in daily details (like my misplaced cigarettes box haha)

Went for a good drink (read heavy) with Giggs last minute on Friday. We decide at 1030pm and be meeting an hour later… I had a good drink, so much so that I vomited my lunch/dinner/snacks, had a terrible hangover the day after and nearly couldn’t make it for my Eric Moo (巫启贤) in concert on Saturday night. Luckily I strong… 2 mugs of tea and some DIY porridge later, I am nearly good to go, which is a good thing. His concert is always more down to earth and easy going, which is a blessing, especially after I just had a sad episode (on my part). Next time don’t drink so much, my esophagus was badly damaged due to excessive vomiting of gastric juices and I had to nurse it back to health… But it feels good… and I like it.

My shipment came yesterday and I spend the whole day unpacking. People said it before, and now I must admit haha, I am a super bird who single-handedly unpacked 100 boxes worth of Junks. Moving the boxes around, in itself is a feat, not to mention unpacking the content. You get the drift.

I actually took a cab to work this morning. Cannot lah, my back is really sore will all the moving and unpacking. I knew it, the day after any strenuous exercise (like sex for instance) would render my body ache. Oh well, it is not everyday I get to overexert myself haha. Today meeting LK (plus a third chap), from the looks of my sentence, you will know it is not me who initiate it. Seriously, if I date LK out for a makan, why would I ask anyone else? Maybe Han, but he not that free haha.

I still missed you but then, it is only for Bird

I am in a dilemma; should I or shouldn’t I take the plunge? Would it change anything?

宽容 by 张信哲

凌晨两点半, 你还在我身旁
关上电话, 我不想和谁再多说话
爱着你的我, 认真听你说的每句话

凌晨两点半, 你不在我身旁
讨厌自己, 为何还要这样的牵挂
爱着你的我, 无法隐瞒自己对你的想法

你说你想要找个宽厚的肩膀
问自己带你到什么地方
看着明天, 告诉我你不会紧张
跟着我海角和天涯

我说我想要找个避风的港湾
谢谢你陪我到任何地方
你的宽容, 还有我温柔的包容
没有泪的夜晚是天堂

I TRIED BUT STILL I FAILED

5 October 2007
Nice Friday (32 Degree Celsius)
Evening @ 1930 (Singapore time)
Listen: 难以捉摸你的心 by 张洪量
Mood: *South Pole*

I have expectation that is why I am disappointed. This is the nature of life; expectation breeds deeper disappointment. I don’t want a relapse of T.A again, different lifestyle and still trying so hard to make it work. I was a great guy then and yet, I failed miserably… After 8 years, I am not the least nice now, so what are the odds? I cannot afford another failed episode; I am not getting young anymore… nor did I want to give it up… What can I do? Try Die cock standing?

I could drown myself in sorrow, burn my lungs in grief, trying to forget everything… Just like the good old days. I missed getting drunk and just collapse in angst. What else can I do to make sense of my surrounding, so I just give up; Life is too tough to move on, so let me live my loneliness in sorrow…

I just can’t seem to find the root of my problem? I have lived so long, so much so that nothing of these matter anymore. I just want to live the remaining of my life in peace. My only comfort is these little memories to keep me going through the long cold nights.

Where are you, my beloved… I have search in vain for you, 30 long years and it still not meant to be. How cruel life has dealt me. I long for comfort, in our arms, for love, in our smile, for happiness, in our winkle, but alas, such things are not meant to be and that, regretfully is the story of life, my life.

I missed you then, I missed you now, if only I knew who you are

难以捉摸你的心 by 张洪量

离开不离开你常常问我自己, 离开会伤心留下我怨你
啊 难以决定

想要改变自己看透这些事情, 奈何我们是红男和绿女
只能随著爱恨来去

是谁翻云覆雨了以後, 让我受尽相思的苦痛
却告诉我这一切全是错全是错

难以捉摸你的心, 在我身上是否用过感情
难道我不够好做错了什麼, 你这样折磨我
难以捉摸你的心, 莫非心中已有别的感情
你可以抛弃我何必管我痛
这爱又算什麼

FREE BURMA

4 October 2007
Nice Thursday (29 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 1000 (Singapore time)
Listen: Nil
Mood: *Nil*

I figure, as fellow dwellers on earth, this is the least I could do.

WHAT HAPPENED? DID YOU WISH FOR A BIG DICK AND BECOME ONE INSTEAD?

3 October 2007
Dull Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Afternoon @ 1130 (Singapore time)
Listen: 只因你伤心by 巫启贤 (粤)
Mood: *Cheese Pie Mood*

Fucking du lan…

Morning woke up, shower and got off to work. Halfway while waiting for lift, found out that I misplaced my easi-link card… went home to look for it… Nabei… no where to be found… that cost me (if lost) S$55 bucks… Morning also no Sun… Cow, damn dull

Reach Buona Vista, Wait for bus… So fucking crowded that I actually missed 3 of it… Cheese Pie

Reach office, had a quick smoke (too stressful), then got a call from movers, need to charge me cheese pie S$214 to move my stuffs down one flight of cheese pie stairs… Fucking daylight robbery… Tried to reason with them; it’s the fucking HDB you moron! You think I deliberately put that flight of stairs there or what!! Nabei… but before I blew up, I steady a bit… Cos it is the cheese pie company who will be footing the bill, why should I care…

Never mind, US movers send me another email, say haven’t pay them… email back to colleagues, asking them what the fish happened!! Then called up finance, ask them the content of meeting this Friday, basically to sign blank cheques again… Cheese Pie

Went off to smoke again, too stressful… come back, pay credit card bill, nearly die of shock; double triple cheese pies. Lucky yesterday on leave… Last morning woke up, suddenly don’t feel like going to work… took one day leave. Nice right, spent the whole day doing nothing…

I need to kick someone’s ass, anyone… Just some sucker to make my life seems a little not right, I will let it go on it. Argh… whatever happened to the 无惊无险又过了一天 theory? Cow, I need to kick someone… Lucky later got corporate lunch… Can at least see some pretty things…

Today not my day… So better lie low and get it over with… Cheers

只因你伤心 by 巫启贤 (粤)

春风秋雨在摇撼, 像已化作醉醒的烙印
再踏往日长街里, 愿那当天一切没发生

不经不觉没年份, 现己看见远方不是暗
远在岁月回忆里, 渡过多少飘泊夜雨侵

有你抱拥风中靠紧, 感觉改变我的厄运
有你暖火依偎我身, 像红日从未接近

我命运最难行, 只因你伤心
我未能爱别人, 知否总一等再等

即使心里是疑问, 共你纵有更多不合衬
远在昨日情深处, 亦有天空海阔梦变真

DO ONE FUCKING BRAVE THING TODAY… AND THEN RUN LIKE HELL

1 October 2007
Boring Monday (30 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 0850 (Singapore)
Listen: 知道 by 张惠妹
Mood: *Looking at the Stars*

As incomprehensible as my brain has becometh, I always wanted to do one little brave (read stupid) thing… It might sound a little crazy to some; I would to fly (like a bird, hence my nick). Well, not at all crazy… Nor do you want to read too much into my mental states; psychological terms call Inferring. That is the worst kind of theory haha, especially if you behave/thinks/feel like me. In short, I just want to fricking fly, cannot meh?

In any case, I am counting down to my retirement, it should be fun… Could be better if I have a job waiting for me after my self imposed one month break from everything (less work, life and more sex…). On second thought, I hope to run more, swim some, weights a little, sex a lot and wash everything down with drinks drinks and more drinks (not necessary in that order). Oh great…

One joke to usher in the week…

The last test for qualifying field agents is to examine their loyalty and that they “Don’t ask, Don’t tell, Just do it” thingy. Only 3 finalists are left in the meeting room and they are told that their last test is to kill their spouse with the gun given.

First chap, upon seeing his wife, sob and hug her. He does not have the mental strength
Second chap give up after a quarrel, wife too fierce for him.
Last chap…

Examiners heard some arguments, scream, 3 shots and a short pause. Someone cursed and later a table crashing. He came out, readjusting his suit…

The bullets are blanks, I have to use the table.

知道 by 张惠妹

既然都知道既然睡不著, 不如就把黑夜熬成破晓
我为自己骄傲我终于可以, 不靠感情这样过来了
想你是很好但我的心在退烧

逃, 假装是在寻找
我, 明明就不需要
人的心若是关不牢, 爱到不知如何是好
你能给多少突然我就是不想要
逃, 从天涯到海角
烧, 泪早就不知不觉烧乾了
你爱的谁都看得到
可是我就很不想要, 所以我这样放开了
怎么我会错乱了心跳, 是什么让我不堪其扰 oh~
既然都知道爱过了就好

逃, 从天涯到海角
烧, 泪早就不知不觉烧乾了
你爱的谁都看得到, 一厢情愿让我依靠
却不曾问我要不要