THE LAST OF MY BAD DAY IS WHEN I MET YOU

5 September 2010

Rainy Sunday (28 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 1830 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 晚风 by 叶倩文

Mood: *My little Bundle of Joy*

Well, life’s been good, I can’t complain much, everyone dear in my life is healthy and behaving, so yup, life is good, could be better… Hmm, maybe but that’s for another day.

Still waiting for the one chance for interview, any interview but alas, better to be certain than be disappointed in the long run. You see, my present job is not exactly that bad, that will explain my apparent reluctance to move on, despite the paycheck. But because of the salary and the lack of progression, it made me so wana kick me for every day spent in the office. Nothing seems to excite me anymore, knowing fully that everything I do, it wouldn’t matter. Oh well, it used to be an exciting place to be, where I enjoy doing the things that I do, never mind that mostly, these are the discarded jobs, jobs that nobody wana do, which for all the time, falls onto my lap. After 2 long years of doing these unwanted stuffs, it disheartened me a lot and to make matter worse, there are no recognition at all. So how? I decided to move on. Since my boss doesn’t appreciate my contribution, I shall move to places where I will be appreciated and recognized.

So yes, it is time to move on. It is such a wonderful environment to retire in (my current work), no pressure and mostly, those who reports to me are good, well-behaved staffs. Superiors and scumbags are another matter but those will come to pass too. Well, whatever it is, good things come to those who waited. Who knows, the dream job where I can be stretched and excel, maximized my potential, One hundred and one percent and then some more. You never know… So I wait.

Just like meeting my beloved snoopy, good things come to those who persevere. Claire is the product of our love, literally. And Yes, can’t say we slept really well these days, but hey, no one complaining. Ever since Claire’s arrival, we have not had a good 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but no one complaining. Nowadays she is able to response to external stimuli (like Daddy & Mummy‘s pretend-play session) and make cute sounds (voice) and mimic other gestures with her hands. It is these little things that make everything and anything all so worthwhile.

Never mind that she has deliberately or not, pinched me

Never mind that she sneezes into my face every other day

Never mind that she salivate on my hands, shirts and anywhere in close proximity to her mouth

Never mind the never mind, Claire, You little imp, daddy and mummy so love you

晚风 by 叶倩文

晚风中, 有你我的梦

风中借来一点时间紧紧拥

拥的那个梦, 像一阵风, 像一阵风

悠悠爱在风中轻轻送

我心的爱是否你心的梦

可否借一条桥让我俩相逢

在这借来的桥中, 明天的我, 明天的你

会不会在想那天上有

今晚的风, 和明天的梦

到底在你心里有多少影踪

可否这个晚上, 借来时间, 借来晚风

把我的爱送到你心中

A SMILE IS A SMILE, NEVERMIND ITS INTENT AND PURPOSE

22 August 2010

Bright and Sunny Sunday (29 Degree Celsius)

Morning @ 1000 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 迷途 by 辛晓琪

Mood: *A little tired*

As usual, life goes on, with or without anyone and anything. We are no different.

Claire is growing, screaming and smiling ever so well. We just had a HFMD scare, hopefully nothing contagious will happen. What we can do now is to watch and observe the symptoms. That’s life.

Now that I am done (very much) with Remedial Training, finally I have all the time in the world to start looking for my home. Sheesh… RT is not too bad actually, if any, it helped keeping me fit and healthy when the going gets damn tough and for my case, lazy. I have not been exercising well and regularly since I ended my RT 2 weeks back. Damn… Must train hard… cannot grow fat and die, life’s too precious for that. Besides, I needed the extra energy and life-enhancing goodies that exercises (or after that) bring. Alas, I’m a little under the weather lately, therein proven that diet, never mind how nice and mouth-watering the grilled, fried and whatever-bad-for-body-but-taste-oh-so-good stuffs might be, We have to eat healthily so that we can live healthier. Period.

Speaking of which, I have hardly enough time for myself, let alone the exercise regime. Not to say I’m lazy (I’m a little) but the moment I reached home, I will be busy washing the cups/bottles/breast pumps & accessories, doing the laundry, packing in the clothes, and miraculously by multitasking all of the above. Even that, I spent like 1 - 1½ hours daily making damn sure everything falls nicely in place. At the end, I am thoroughly exhausted to do much anyway. Mummy had it tougher; feeding, pacifying and trying to get Claire to sleep snugly. Oh well, daddy does the physical aspect while mummy handle the intimate, often psychologically and mentally tiring portion of Claire’s life.

Anyway, the house hunting will play a big part in our life for these couple of months. Oh well, my only wish is to quickly get it over and done with it. Screw the government for making all the mistakes and to cover up with more of it. Yup, I know, we know, everyone knows that price of HDB is not dictated by well... HDB but market forces (Well Done capitalism!) but telling us to plan ahead (book Build-to-Order Flat years in advance) and buying one (in the resale market) that we can afford don’t really gel well with the electorate. How can one plan intimate, life changing issues years ahead? How can one foresee in the foreseeable future what it might bring? I know, it is not exactly the government’s problem that everyone gets a roof over their head, but by making it a part of HDB’s manifesto and by co-relations (HDB is government department…), it is therefore the job of the government to make sure this happen! Not by asking people to bid for their interest and then build one (some 3 years to completion)… But then, I can understand their pain; do get fuck (huge surplus years ago in Jurong West), don’t do also fuck (housing squeeze from 2007 – 2010). Seems like it is a pretty thankless job, BUT, Public officers and CEO of government-linked/Public Goods/agencies should never rub in…

Like the SMRT saga, the CEO commented that squeezing 1800 people in the carriage is no big deal and besides, the trains are not packing in their optimum capacity, why are we cowpehing here? They have made adjustment to the pricing (now based on distance) and they are losing like 88 million a year with such changes, we should be thankful! Yes, I know, we know, every fucker knows and ought to be thankful, but the presentation. The PR guys and girls should be sacked!

Well, for one, most probably you have a chauffeur or on worst case scenario, driven a luxury car. So why would you be bothered at all, the suffering of the masses? We know, all masses know, that life sucks, you don’t have to prove that point in public forum… besides, the income gap between the rich (and richer) and the poor (gini coefficiency) is rising as we speak. That means, the rich have either becoming richer, gathering a massive portion of the national income or the poor have, as a demographic, being fucked. Employment data is not helping one bit and I’m pretty amazed how the government is pretty frank about it. This is the election year and we have a mixed of good and bad news. This is kind of welcoming, who says election year must be all gays and euphoria… so how now?

We eat, sleep and hope that tomorrow be sunnier…

I WANT, I CRY, I GET

24 July 2010

Dull Evening (30 Degree Celsius)

Night @ 2100 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 沿海公路的出口 by S.H.E

Mood: *Damn Shack man*

Some happenings lately…

Saw my lady colleague jogging from home to office. Sweaty and panting, she mumbled something like “Morning”… That’s not the funny part… the funny thing is, she wasn’t wearing any bra (and how would I know?) cos her nipples were sticking out like North Korean duo missiles… Right…I JOKE. About everything… Though I wish it could be true haha.. but alas, no luck, dude, no luck.

Moving on, I visited one of the many less-than-desirable toilets lately and with a bad tummy, you couldn’t really care. Then I remembered the “Nobody” Korean song, where the singer got trapped in the toilet with no toilet papers at hand… So I did what I had to do, I CHECKED. Sure enough, no toilet paper… I change cubicle. Sometime I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…

Lately I have been working hard, physically and mentally. I was in Remedial Training for the past 2 months already and it was tough. To say its tiring and total waste of time is an understatement but then again, I got my theory confirmed; I am a winner while most people there are pretty much losers. Don’t believe? You should have seen the number of fuckers trying to slack. Well, perhaps I shouldn’t use myself as the benchmark, but I always believe this; I am already the lowest of the lowest and if I can do it; endure and excel, made it all the way to the top, EVERY FUCKERS can too. So how? You are fucked while I evolved to celestial beings. Well, Fuck this, SUCKERS!

Then I becometh sad. Saddened by one chap in the RT program. I deduced that either he has a slight mental handicap or he is anti-social, those loner and weird type. Yup, I’m a loner but safely, I don’t think I’m weird. Accelerate into the future and my kids, would they turn out otherwise? If I’m his parent, would I be sad too? There are many instances in life, where people are slightly below the average. I mean, it is bad enough to be average but to be below it really blows (no pun though). It takes a parent to know the pain of another. But I supposed everything is fated and hence whatever will be, will be. Nothing to be overly sad or happy about, it is all pre-destined and we just have to live it through.

Moving further still, Indian Chief has decided to throw in the towel. Yes, he quitted. I can’t really say I am happy or sad but hey, that’s life. He is not a bad person, in any case, even if he may not be the best worker. I have already made my stand, either you are with me or you are against me, so it’s really up to you have to make the choice. I don’t deliberately belittle or find fault with you; but if you step on my tail deliberately and consistently, you are fucked. In a nutshell, I abso-fucking-lutely hate slackers. Not all are winners, but that doesn’t mean you can be lazy.

Mummy really damn on, since the first day of pregnancy till today, she has done all that she could ever have mustered and then some more. Daily, she ate and sleeps well, watch her diet like a hawk and making sure Claire got every nutrients known and unknown to science. Then there is the Clicking Machine, twice daily without fail. Now that Claire is out, she has diligently fed her with all the nutrients, yes both known and unknown. That nutrient thing is damn hard lor, imagine having to consistently expressed the milk, every scheduled timing without fail and with so much fatigue. Mummy the best, without a doubt. Claire Claire, must love love Mummy & Daddy ok? Daddy did much of the physical chore also you know… not just being there (but it helps…)

Speaking of which I am a believer of Infant care already. Barely one month, she has been pretty well taken care and disciplined already. It’s like a boot camp. Ok, maybe it’s a little harsh but hey it works. Claire Claire, We love you, with all our hearts. You grow well, feed well and be happy, ok

We love you so much.

LITTLE BLACK RIDING HOOD…

10 July 2010

Dull Evening (29 Degree Celsius)

Early Night @ 2030 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 很想说 by 李圣杰

Mood: *Doh*

What’s there to say, what’s there to tell… Nothing much happened these days; Claire went for her infant care already. Everything is ok, everything is fine, everything is… Yup, life’s like that.

What else? …………………………..

That’s all folks… Stay tuned. If you are lucky, you might see an entry or two… but I wouldn’t count on it.

To end, let’s do a joke, something of a tradition here…

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The patient said, “Give me the good news.”

“They’re going to name a disease after you.”

WELL, DUH….

我终于失去了你 by 赵传

当所有的人离开我的时候, 你劝我要耐心等候

并且陪我渡过生命中最长的寒冬, 如此地宽容

当所有的人靠紧我的时候, 你要我安静从容

似乎知道我有一颗永不安静的心, (我)容易蠢动

我终于让千百双手在我面前挥舞

我终于拥有了千百个热情的笑容

我终于让人群被我深深的打动

我却忘了告诉你, 你一直在我心中

啊~我终于失去了你, 在拥挤的人群中

我终于失去了你, 当我的人生第一次感到光荣

啊~我终于失去了你, 在拥挤的人群中

我终于失去了你, 当我的人生第一次感到光荣

当四周的掌声如潮水一般的汹涌

我看见你眼中伤心的泪光闪动

THROUGH LIFE’S TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS

21 June 2010

Hot Hot Monday (33 Degree Celsius)

Early Night @ 2030 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 很想说 by 李圣杰

Mood: *Shoot*

Claire is 2 months old. She’s feeding, growing and crying (most often, screaming) well. Everyone is good, healthy and mostly very happy, Our family and dear friends. What more can I ask for.

I wonder why… I lacked the enthusiasm in life, seems like everything also taste bland, is like asking people what is life all about… Besides sucks, it doesn’t get any better…

I don’t particularly hate my life, I just want some excitement, something that will thrill my cold heart. I am getting older by the minute and I don’t want to waste my entire time alive in this forsaken planet, living a mediocre life. I deserve more than this, I want everything and anything that I could have. Argh, I so fucking hate this life!

The only saving grace is my little Claire, seeing her growing up and cuddling with us, brought such warmth to my otherwise pathetic existence. Claire, We love you very much. Mummy and Daddy want to be the best parents you can be proud of, not a bum or another useless humans who so happen to be your biological parents. We want to be the parents you can admire; for our sacrifices, the provider of your bread & bacon, the giver of endless love, a friend and the pillar of strength, be always by your side, through life many trials & tribulation.

Be strong and be brave. Don’t be afraid; for we will always be by your side, guiding and encouraging you forward. Claire, We love you, happy 2 months old.

很想说 by 李圣杰

woo~ you are so beautiful to me

在我眼里你永远最美, 连你一个微笑也都会让我醉

你所谓的幸福我想给, 以为手不放开就是痴心绝对

太愚昧

难道, 笑容没了距离有了快乐也走了

还是真心走了彼此不信任了

终于懂了, 真的

很想说有你是幸福的

很想说我的心是你的

很想说你真的误解了

很想说你真的忘记了

My love

很想说会好好疼你的

很想说爱你是自由的

很想说你是否听见了

很想说你真的忘记了

爱了, 就有坚持理由

别说我会留在路口不会走

爱你会直到最后

很想说你是否听见了

很想说我们可不可以复合

I’M JUST A LITTLE BLUE… THAT’S ALL

3 June 2010

Hot Hot Thursday (31 Degree Celsius)

Early Night @ 1930 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 很想说 by 李圣杰

Mood: *Sad*

I am feeling a little depressed, a little blue. Of all the things I could have done, do it better and for the lost opportunities in life, I could have, for example do this and that but to what end…

I am hence, depressed. Because of my helplessness and a sense of hopelessness perverted my waking minutes and permeates my sleeping nights. Here I am, striving so hard to be as good as I can be and better than all mere mortals but alas, to what end…

I was on course for the past 3 days. I spent my time looking at others’ presentation and mine. I can’t help but notice some of their passion and conviction that things are and will be better. Some speak with such fervor that I secretly marvel at their speech, which I admit, seldom did/do, knowing my egoistical pride. However, most are just plain old mediocre, trying to find their way home. I don’t blame them… like I said, if everyone is Mozart, Bach, Einstein or Hilter, who be Tan Ah Kow? But I blame their fucking brains for screwing them up, pretend-play them up to be an egoistic fucker. What they do basically is sucking up, day in and out, and with a little luck along the way.

Luck, the quiessential of life. Most opportunities and special privileges start off as luck. That is why, of the things that you do, could have done it better and intending to do, you should have just stayed home and watches the turtles swim. It is more rewarding, the act itself, than anything else in the world. Like my friend who started catch-&-release fishing, you seriously cannot find better joy than this.

I kept silence the entire proceeding, while the bugs make, affirm and contest. Most people seem awestruck by one chap, dominating the entire dialogue. I could have pointed out the apparent flaws in his argument and belittled him but alas, to what end. He is my friend, a very useful ally and besides, to what end. Sure, there are pretty things in the session, there are ego-boosting opportunities abound, but like I said, to what purpose… Let the people have their Gods and they will behave.

My department internal audit was on Tuesday, where I prod, show and happily answered any questions raised. Of course, with my mighty, wise, awesome (etc) leadership, showmanship, it is obvious that I will pass with flying colour. Also, this year marks the first time I am representing the department for the Audit. So all credits and discredits will solely be… Mine. Obviously, no one, clerks or Management staffs will sabo me. I make this my personal crusade to prove to the whole fucking world that I, Mighty Woodstock, is and am more than capable to lead the department.

Needless to say, my HOD and his capable deputies (so to speak) aren’t around, conveniently disappeared in thin air (busy day they say). Even at audit closing time, my HOD was busy fidgeting with some electronic stuffs instead of paying attention. This I blame it, in its entirety on him, his laissez-faire attitude with his underlings, his ball-lessness with the many mistake people made and his overly dependent on his worthless war-mongering secretary and insecurity. He don’t care about whatever big stuffs that is/are happening around him and instead, only make time for little division, playing us against the other. What the fuck… yup, what the fuck…

As time goes by, with such a boss in charge, you think I will be so motivated to make sure my department is going to survive the various changes? I don’t think so… As I was telling my Ang-mo friend, fuck it, I’m leaving.

My one and only, sole joy in life is seeing my little Claire sleeping ever so soundly and peacefully in my arms daily (while mummy is taking her shower). And I know, when all things go south, she and my Snoopy can make it better, simply be by my side.

Daddy loves you, Snoopy and Claire. So much, so much…

I CAME TO A REALIZATION THAT NO ONE GIVES A HOOT

25 May 2010

Hot Hot Tuesday (34 Degree Celsius)

Early Night @ 2100 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 他一定很爱你by 阿杜

Mood: *Damn”

Goodness, it is boiling hot lately. There is no coolness at all… all day and night, oh well

As usual, I have to complain about my work. My boss has becometh from bad to worst. He called in the HR manager to give us (or in his word, clarification) a talk about Off-in-lieu policies. You know what I think? He is ball-less. How can you ask HR can he give us off for this, or for that… If I’m HR Manager, of course I will cite the policies to bring my point across. Either he is gut-less to give us the leeway or he just want HR to let us know that we are basically being fucked.

How in the world has happened… It was ok in the begining, not that good, not that bad also. And now, we are being buang left right center, and all because of his ball-less-ness. Then there is Doreen. She request to be release 15min earlier on certain days, like once a week. Boss agrees. Then when his Fucked Up Secretary came to know of it, she cowpeh cowbu till everyone becometh a CB. Boss asked me to inquire from HR (yup, HR Policy again). Obviously, HR will just cite its stand based on policy, why should they bend the law just for one chap. BUT, HOD has the authority to give these leeways here and there. And yet, because he is scare shit, he wanted me to be the bearer of bad news to rescind his earlier approval. Fuck, there is no way I’m doing it. If he asks me why I no tell Doreen, I will say I busy. Which brings me to Internal Audit.

You know, after so much effort and pain, making sure every damn Quality-related information we had can pass with flying colors for the internal audit, I came to the realization that anything and everything is useless. Why? Because no one gives a damn. No one in the department, no one in the company gives a hoot. Only me, who kept worrying about how to gather all the necessary information for updates and then some more. This is truly a tragedy. Oh well, like I said, fuck it, I’m leaving.

Claire had a scare on Sunday morning. She was having a fever in the morning. So I rushed over to see her and then back for a quick shower (we decided to send her to pediatrician). After shower, the scares over, Claire fever has subsided. Oh well…. Later, I decided to visit the new Lifestyle center at Mt Faber SAFRA. Seems like damn cool like that, according to the newsletter, it is bigger and more stylo than the E-mart at Warrant officer club. So I drove 15 min to and 15 min back, paid 3 bucks for parking and all I got is a lousy T-shirt, wait, screw the T-shirt. It was not good at all. NO GOOD AT ALL. I think the Warrant Officer Club’s E-mart wins hand down…

And now how? My only joy and comfort is my little precious. My little Claire and Snoopy… Haiz…

他一定很爱你 by 阿杜

我躲在车里, 手握著香槟

想要给你, 生日的惊喜

你越走越近, 有两个声音

我措手不及, 只得楞在那里

我应该在车底, 不应该在车里

看到你们有多甜蜜

这样一来, 我也比较容易死心

给我离开的勇气

他一定很爱你, 也把我比下去

分手也只用了一分钟而已

他一定很爱你, 比我会讨好你

不会像我这样孩子气, 为难着你

HAPPY ONE MONTH OLD, MY LITTLE PRINCESS

15 May 2010

Dull Saturday (32 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 1730 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 他一定很爱你by 阿杜

Mood: *Heee”

Today is Claire’s baby shower. It was a long & tiring morning till afternoon, with so many things to bring, many more things to bring back; gifts, presents, etc. On hindsight, I should have just bought the “SUV”. That way, I can throw everything into the car boot without a worry. Oh well…

We had the blessing of so many friends whom we held so dear to; secondary school friends, army friends, poly friends, working colleagues (whom shall be affectionately known as BBs; or bad buddies), and many many others. Thank you for the kindest generosity and for those that didn’t make it, its ok, you are eligible for parole much later in my little black book.

Work wise, not very good man. I mean the work itself is ok, slightly busy than usual, but all is good. Just a little bit (or make that damn) pissed that my boss belittled me… it goes like this:

One HOD send an email to my boss, inviting him and all the management staffs (like Woodstock) to an outdoor event and followed by a celebratory chill out. All these are official event, mind you. Then it happened… My boss invited all management staffs in the department and for some fuck reason, he actually carbon copy it to me (or Cc). As you know, logic states that those in Cc list are usually for… FOR FUCKING INFORMATION ONLY. And why is he sending me an invite or telling me there is such an invite (For Information only?) if he has no inclination to extend the invitation out to me?

Naturally, I was boiling mad, swearing vengeance. But one thing I learn in life; endure and seek greener pasture in silence. Nothing much to protest or make a big fuss over, really. Just smile and PRETEND nothing has and will happen. I could do a transfer but guessing his pettiness, I reckoned he would rather “resign me” than letting me do a transfer. It looks bad on his record and besides, people will question his ability to retain such a MIGHTY staff…

But you know what I think? Fuck it, I’m leaving.

Yup, too bad, it is your pettiness that nails it. My company is one of the best companies to work in, pay aside, the work is seriously Ok… Not that stressful, got wonderful colleague to talk cock and sing song. He always says he is a nice guy, that why he gave chances and turns a blind eye to some atrocities committed by his WONDERFUL Staffs. But I know his working style, he always divide the masses and conquer. Oh well, go forth and divide them, for I don’t give a shit anymore. Because?

Fuck it, I’m leaving

Yes, Literally.

But Claire Claire & Mummy… Don’t worry, Daddy will make sure, ensure and be sure that I will signed on the dotted line for the next job before I “fuck it, I’m leaving” the current one. I need to bring the bacon and bread home daily. I could eat a little less, go without the car or even my dinner/Lunch/Breakfast, but my Claire Claire & Mummy can’t. They shouldn’t and wouldn’t. As long as Daddy is around, you will not go hungry and cold. This is Daddy promises to you.

Oh yes, on the smoking note, I am smoke free for 5 months and counting. It was hard naturally, whoever say giving up smoking is easy ought to be shot. It is something so personal and intimate to me at least for I always smoke because I’m sad and I’m sad because I smoke. The sticks have accompanied me thru the many cold and lonely nights, thru many great trials and tribulation. So to give up my cigarettes is like giving up a part of me. The deeply scar, emotionally tragic, painfully lonely part of me. But still, it is for the better. My Claire shall grow up in a smoke free environment.

I love you so much, Mummy & Claire Claire. Be strong

THE DAY I GOT SCREWED BY NATURE

9 May 2010

Cool Sunday (28 Degree Celsius)

Late Evening @ 1930 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 很想说 by 李圣杰

Mood: *Boo hoo”

This has been a sucky week. Yes, it is, no doubt about it. Firstly, I was insomnia on Tuesday night, the whole damn night I was practically lying on bed looking at the sky (or if you prefer… ceiling…). As obvious, I was very very tired the entire Wednesday and guess what? I was invited (as a gap filler) to AVA 10th Anniversary Dinner at Shangri la. Wau liew eh, I practically on steroid for 36 hours continuously and still must go for some stupid dinner… And when I thought it couldn’t be much worse… I sat next to my Chief Executive. No choice lah, I small talk with him the entire night. By 11pm, all humans practically emptied the hall and guess what, he actually ordered a 3rd bottle of red. And since he is the chief, no one dare to leave early, which is sad, cos I am that close of being zombiefied. Finally at 1130pm, we left for home…

Reach home, shower and slept less than 4 hours before I left for work at 4am again. Why? Because I have to bring home the bacon for Claire and mummy. I joke, I joke… I was on duty and hence, you know, the works… And to cap my week of shag-ness, I was down with a severe allergy on Thursday morning onwards and was sneezing my life away. And guess what, I actually ran out of my usual antihistamine… so in between clamoring for whatever life I left, I decided that it is for the better that I go seek solace at the pharmacy. So I left for lunch early, hoping to buy some antihistamine and OH MY STAR STAR, the pharmacist only arrive 1pm!! That’s like 1 hour away! And the staffs refused (rightly also lah) to dispense the drugs (cos it’s like illegal…). In between sneezes and more sneezes, I’m really surprise I didn’t die…

Went home, pop a powerful pill and slept for 12 hours straight.

Really, I am surprise and rather pleasantly, I didn’t die from all the lack of sleep and allergies. Body only a little tired from all the sneezing and well, I live to fight another day.

And when I thought I couldn’t go anywhere south-er, it was screwed by nature. Yes, today I went to work at 3am, slog my guts till 8am, Somehow along the way, I decided that, hmm, my spare clothes and towel needs some washing, so I conveniently brought them home for washing. I returned to office in the afternoon again and woah, it started raining. And by Star Star, it really fucking rain like cats and dogs fucking around. One thing I learn; you don’t fuck with nature. I was drenched to my underwear while doing what I was supposed to do and YES, you guess it, my spare clothes are sitting at home, enjoying the warmth and comfort while me, yours truly have to make do with paper towel, wet wet underwear and clothes. Oh well, that’s life.

Moving on, because of my hectic week and poor health, I missed seeing my daughter and mummy for 3 consecutive days. And when I do see her on Friday, oh boy, did she grow! Somehow, for some unexplained reasons, I thought she looks bigger, brighter and prettier haha… Ok, now you know…

Its mother’s day today…fwah, its Mother’s Day!

Happy Mummy’s Day, Mummy and My Mummy (you know, my mother...).

Claire Claire, be good and sleep tight. Daddy will kill all the bed bugs. Mummy sleep tight too. Woodstock miss miss Snoopy and Claire Claire

Good Night and sweetest dreams

A GOOD FRIEND WILL COME AND BAIL YOU OUT OF JAIL, A TRUE FRIEND WILL BE SITTING NEXT TO YOU SAYING “DAMN, WE ARE FUCKED…”

2 Mayl 2010

Cool Sunday (30 Degree Celsius)

Late Morning @ 1000 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 很想说 by 李圣杰

Mood: "Smile… ok, I lied"

I am always amazed and impressed by people of learned and charisma. Though I have far and few intellectual spars, I always loved a good conversation that does not consist of materialistic gains and capitalist pillage. Anyway, I guess these exchanges will have to wait (till it arises from the ash, yes, just like the Phoenix). There is a reason why 99.9% of the population only talk cock and sing song, just imagine, if every fucker talk like some economics/geo-spatial/political analyst, how ol’ boring can that be… Seriously, how interesting can “Let’s hold hands and save Africa be”…

You know, by including something so insignificant like “Essentially” to a sentence, you make it instantaneously significant.

The Property market will go up and go down…

Compare to : Essentially, the property market will go up and down…

Wanted to use vis-à-vis instead of compare to (oh yes, now I speaks French) but then, why?

Yes, the WHY. Essentially, everything we do, intend to do and have done revolve around the mighty why… Why this, why that, why ask? And the evergreen Why Bother…

Even looking at the Songs I enjoyed these days makes me old and useless. I have wasted 30 years of my life and I don’t even know would I have another 30 to make an impact on my life and of others. I want and love money (who Don’t) and I wish to have a better materialistic life, for myself and family. All I need is that God-given opportunity (Sorry God, blasphemy again). And I promised I shan’t screw it up. In my previous post, I noted the importance of my strength in Intellectual insights, administrative efficiency and the good ol’ Roll-up-my-sleeves and just do it. But then, to what ends… I am always cast as another Good, highly intelligent worker then later pass over for promotion. Is it sometime that I did not do? If so, what? Oh well, should have just stick to being a mediocre clerk and not give myself so much heartache. Because at the end of the day, what I would like to achieve and excel?

Oh on that screw note, you know we are classified as a screw worm infested country? Yup, don’t ask me why, maybe some lazy US health officials just convenient cluster us up with other less-developed Countries. In any case, I’m not surprise, 99.9% of them don’t even know where Singapore is, let alone even see how fucking metropolitan we are. In my 3 years in US, of all the people I met, some 50% have never traveled out of their countries (by choice or lack of it), 25% cannot pinpoint the location (or heard of Singapore, other than China, but I digress) and some 24% of the remnants lack the expertise and knowledge understanding life (other than the American way). You be amazed to know that only a mere 1% of their population (like 1 million of them) actually spurs their economy toward First World Leadership. But hor, after the Banking crisis, think half of those are either lurched, in prison or somewhere in Caribbean’s)… So how, US is fucked.

I just loved to see and talk to my little princess; how peaceful she sleeps, how much she response to our conversation, many a times, just watching over her. Yup, Claire Claire, like daddy says, God will send his Angels to watch over you when Daddy & Mummy are away (even for the briefest period). Don’t be afraid, be strong and we will be right back with you. I am guessing during her first day of Infant Care, it will be Mummy whom I shall have to comfort, rather than Claire.

Claire, Mummy & Daddy love you ever so much.

It’s my buddy birthday come 4th May. Dude, Happy Birthday and May we be rich and powerful. Well, at least we tried, never mind the efforts and results.

THIS ONE, THAT ONE, WHICH ONE?

29 April 2010

Hot & the Rainy Thursday (30 Degree Celsius)

Night @ 2100 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 爱要怎么说出口 by 赵传

Mood: *Ok lor”

Been a week since Claire’s arrival. Boy, did we do a lot. We changed the diapers, fed her well, shower time, pat pat her… Yup, the works. Next off to pediatrician for checks, Gynecologist checks and registering for Infant Care etc etc… Sometime, in between all the hustle and bustle of handling my little princess, there is no better joy and serenity in life just watching her falling asleep in her little cot. The peacefulness of her sleep just makes Daddy & Mummy hard work seems all worthwhile.

Our little princess is feeding well, growing well and behaving not too badly (For now). Still, I must constantly remind Mummy’s relatives not to pat/hug/carry her at her slightest provocation/tantrum. Lest she got used to the attention and becometh a habit, then how? Daddy die lor, must carry and hug her every now and then. Still, seeing her screaming her lungs out (for whatever reasons) does pain us… So looks like we are in for a nice run… Whatever that means…

To make life more interesting, during her first checkup at Thomson, apparently she needed some tests that require some of her blood; the nurse prick her little sole. Then lo & behold, Mummy went crying together with her. It is like both felt the pain of the needle… So daddy how? Daddy pat pat both of them and had a family hug, awwww….

Been popping over to Mummy’s in-law house everyday without fail, except for Saturday night where daddy was down with a slight cold. But then, I brought Grandma over to see Claire in the afternoon so technically still got to see Claire.

Our little Princess has been quite cute, save for some tiny winy attitude so far. Just like Daddy, seriously; she has no patience, have this “Gor Tak” little face, breathing ever so hard, big round eyes, fleshy ears and nose. Haha, got prosperous look. Oh well, hopefully she will turn out smart, kind and gentle. What else can we hope for…

Anything else beside those? Well, I had an episode of PMSing yesterday. I can’t really put a word to it, but I have been dragging my feet to work lately. There’s no joy and motivation for me to continue working and working hard. Especially so after Claire’s arrived. After so many years of education, I am reduce to being a buggy boy, an errant boy and worst (or slightly better, depending on perspective), a Chief Clerk. I needed more than these, I deserve more than these… I am neither lazy, nor stupid. I am fucking smart, hardworking and resourceful; Damn it, I need more challenges, more stimulation, more Money! I am so much better than the entire club’s fuckers, I deserve more than these!!

But then somewhere along the way, shit happens and now I’m reduced to such a state. Sometime, I should be thankful with whatever God’s bring forth. Ignorance is Bliss… Stupidity is Bliss-er.

For the happy people in life, rock on!

爱要怎么说出口 by 赵传

我痛啊...

叫我怎么能不难过, 你劝我灭了心中的火, 我还能够怎么说, 怎么说都是错

你对我说, 离开就会解脱, 试着自已去生活,

试着找寻自我, 别再为爱蹉跎

只是爱要怎么说出口, 我的心里好难受, 如果能将你拥有, 我会忍住不让眼泪流

第一次握你的手, 指尖传来你的温柔

每一次深情眼光的背后, 谁知道会有多少愁多少愁

如果要我, 把心对你解剖, 只要改变这结果

我会说我愿意做, 我受够了寂寞

PRESENTING, MS CLAIRE CLAIRE!!!

22 April 2010

Hot & the Rainy Thursday (35 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 1850 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 纪念 by Tanya Chua

Mood: *Wooohoo!”

First and foremost, let me welcome the newest addition to my family; Claire! Yup, on 20 April 2010, Claire was born. The wait was worth it, every bit of it.

The Chronology of events goes like this

Monday, 19 April 2010 at 1400hrs – We were at Dr Ang’s clinic for a routine check. Just 2 days ago on Saturday, we had our check already but then he say must double confirm, so got a half day leave and went for a CTG scan. Spent 1 hour hooked onto the machine and the scan turns out to be normal, everything was ok (or so we thought). We even have time to go IMM jalan jalan. Then came the initial scare, Mummy suddenly got a cramp, which evolved to a pain and then to more pain while Daddy was in between contemplating whether to go for my routine run or not…

1700hrs – Mummy don’t feel good, kept cringing and tossing around in bed… Daddy figures he shouldn’t go for the run, just in case…

1730hrs – Pain quicken but Mummy managed to take a quick bath (might be last bath for a long time) while Daddy prepare some makan (for us… since it might also take a while…). Mummy no appetite so Daddy (being the official garbage disposal) ate all up (Yup, it might take a while you know…). Anyway, Daddy showered second time in 1 hour, just because he was virtually in perspiration mode the whole while; preparing Mummy for shower, makan, wash clothes, hang clothes, just to make sure, ensure that everything gona be ok.

1800hrs – Called Dr Ang and he casually mentioned to check into the hospital at 2230hrs only. No need to rush (in his words). But hor, Mummy really in deep agony and hence, with our lack of options and in all Daddy’s wisdom, it is for the better that we go to Hospital now, rather than later, especially when Mummy can still limp to car…

1840hrs – after much difficulty, we managed to reach car. It rained like nobody business and guess what? Daddy forgot his car key… so lan lan, quickly rush back home for it.

1850hrs – finally drove off to Hospital. Stuck in rush hour, together with heavy rain, it’s a recipe for SLOW DRIVE the whole of fucking PIE… It’s ok, the ride was still smooth (by any account).

1930hrs – reach hospital, do admission, give credit card (yes, you need deposit, this is Singapore), credit card approved, signed my life-away-documents, then nurse wheel Mummy to ward. Imagine if you got no money, damn broke or shit happens, how? Welcome to Singapore! Too bad for you

2000hrs – Anyway, nurses called Dr Ang, wait in ward while the next door neighbor was celebrating her birth with the entire clan worth of people. That is why I wanted a One Bedded… Sigh… Shit happens and we are stuck with 2 (at the price of 4 bedded anyway… why? Because I am especially nice to everyone). Besides, you never know what might happen… especially so in a hospital… ANYWAY, Dr Ang finally turns up at 2230hrs (how convenient) and commented that it is still too early… Mummy cannot be dripped (epidural – since it is way too early) and so how now? Lan lan, Mummy stayed in ward while Daddy went home for a quick shut eye.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010, 0300hrs - Mummy’s SMS came in; Mummy going into labour ward soon, cannot have cellphone (some interference thingy). Wonderfully half-asleep Daddy misread it as Mummy is in Labour. Damn, Daddy was about to wake up at 0430hrs anyway, so how? Quickly showered and drove down in record time of 15 min to Hospital.

0430hrs – Saw Mummy, realized my mistake and slumped onto the cold waiting chair beside her.

0600hrs – Dr Ang drop by for his ward visit. Lament that the dilation for the whole night is too slow and recommend having the induction going. Now, Mummy is feeling feverish and unwell. A dose of Antibiotics should do the trick.

0630hrs – Slept a bit at the family waiting lounge. Unlike the labour wards, this place is slightly warmer… Only slightly…

0700hrs – Tummy growling and figure that it hasn’t been fed for the past 12 hours, so took across the bridge for breakfast (it sucks by the way). Came back feeling all oily. Pat Mummy a bit and went wandering about…

0800hrs – Had second breakfast (Sucks big time) that cost me like 10 bucks (double sucky). Why? Because Daddy got nothing better to do… It is wait and wait somemore

0830hrs – Pat Mummy again

0900hrs – Read papers, slept a bit, read paper backwards, Exploring my Nokia N97 and its wonders… battery dying after intense usage… regretful and hoping it wouldn’t die…

1130hrs – Check on Mummy, fever down, still feeling weak.

1200hrs – Went back to lounge for drinks… read papers inversely

1230hrs – decided to pat Mummy but to my horror, she is not in her ward. Panic mode, ask Mummy’s whereabouts at reception only to find out she is in delivery ward (anytime SOON!!)

1235hrs – found her, fuck the nurses for NOT telling me… I joke I joke, we needed the nurses more than they needed us, so you do the math. ANYWAY, nurse demonstrated how to do the push and let us figure out the pushing on our own (must practice)

1245hrs – Dr Ang came in, joke about doing 4 deliveries today, and something like God is kind to him, because he go bible study class recently… DUH… No one actually notice his jokes (except for me) I am neither the one in labour, or the helpers, the only Jo Bo Lan chap in the entire room, so OF COURSE I GET HIS JOKES lah

1250hrs – same thing, tell us to push, push harder, push somemore, push like you never shit in days (his exact words… funny guy)… while I am just there, going through the motion.

XXXXhrs – Suddenly Dr Ang gave the last burst, and out came Claire and onto Mummy’s lap! Woo, the whole 1 min thereafter is pretty surreal. I wasn’t expecting it to be out so soon (watch too many dramas, thought baby will need some pushing – a lot, before popping out). Nurses kept gesturing me to take the time of birth, Dr Ang passed me the scissors for the umbilical cord cut, all the while seeing Mummy smiling weakly, Claire crying, nurses running around…

1310hrs – Weigh Claire, go back room, all tidied up, blood stains here and there but basically, its cleaned. Dr Ang move on to his 2nd delivery of the day… damn efficient I tell you

1315hrs – Phone grandma, Mummy’s relations, sms friends and finally, at 1400hrs, can sigh a relieve… by then Grandma arrive in record time to, just to catch a glimpse of Claire …

The rest of the time was pretty autopilot. Friends and relatives all gather around, Hiok came, Han’s with his family (awww, handsome little Raph), Chris too. In all, we collected like hundreds of bottled Chicken essences, ginseng-ed Bird Nest, Fish essences etc etc, with some toys here and there. James came too, with his BIG ang bao, more essences and a bright little sunflower. Daniel and GF too, on the second day.

With Those, I ended my story, for today. Claire, We love you.

SUCH IS LIFE

12 April 2010

Hot & Humid Monday (33 Degree Celsius)

Early Night @ 1950 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 纪念 by Tanya Chua

Mood: *Sian, Sibei Sian”

Such is life. Yup, today got “last-min-then-tell-me” information and I had to do everything in my power to get it out. Then again, I’m a great actor/information processor; nothing will make me look damn bad in front of bosses. I digest the information as it comes and figure out what all the rackets and hell is/are all about. Damn, I’m brilliant! Always try to keep information from me, right? Never expect me to pick it up along the way and actually understanding it right? Nabei, KNNFB But that’s life and at least I am doing something remotely productive, even if I hated the idea of last minute stuffs. Oh well…

Went to hose my car down, too dirty and besides, I spotted a little spider crawling around. Double damn. After that, pick up wife, reach home, gave a stupid “I-don’t-want-to-jog-cos-looks-like-rain- coming” excuse and bingo… I ate dinner. Maybe, just maybe, I might go for a jog later but we’ll see. For your information, there is no rain, NOT even a drop of condensation, if you must.

Oh dear, wife is vomiting now, think the little princess is churning around. Haiz, little Claire Claire misbehaved again… what to do… Hang in there baby and Wife. Wish I could be of some help but alas, its better to keep my mouth shut with the least trouble as possible, in case wife agonized over my everything and anything. Such is life

Just got her some warm water to drink. Sometime, I wonder, it is these little gestures that I would never dream of doing. If I wanted anything in the past, I will get it myself and not rely on other’s generosity or kindness/bo-pian-ness. But now, my life priorities have changed. It’s Wife, Daughter, Mom, then me. Gosh, how low in the food chain have I demoted to.

Gosh, I am about to be a father, a Dad. When I come home next time, someone will rush towards me, grab me by the leg and scream out “Daddy! Daddy!” Gosh, I am gona be a dad! Gee, the adrenaline drive makes my head a little light… Steady man, Steady… Everything will be just OK.

Claire, be nice. Treat other’s with the same kindness as your Mom & Dad would have. Be sincere and above all, love yourself. That’s all I am asking… Loving you ever so much, little Claire.

纪念 by Tanya Chua

想念变成一条线, 在时间里面蔓延

长得可以把世界切成了两个面

他在春天那一边, 你的秋天刚落叶, 刚落叶

如果从此不见面, 让你凭记忆想念

本来这段爱情可以记得很完美

他的样子已改变, 有新伴侣的气味, 的气味

那一瞬间你终于发现, 那曾深爱过的人(嗯)~~

早在告别的那天, 已消失在这个世界

也许那一次见面, 是生命给你机会

了解爱只是人所渴望的投射面

只是渴望会改变, 他的爱已经不见已不见

那一瞬间你终于发现, 心中的爱和思念

都只是属于自己曾经拥有过

曾经拥有过曾经拥有过的纪念

DON’T LISTEN TO BEAR, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A RICH BEAR?

6 April 2010

Sunny Tuesday (33 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 空白格 by Tanya Chua

Mood: *Yawn”

Today was fucking boring. To say its B.O.R.I.N.G is an understatement… I practically went for toilet break like every ½ hour… And I got no one to chat with… DAMN… I could, in theory, chat with my clerks but they already so short of time for departments’ works (unlike their lobo boss) and by talking to them, they are obliged (for obvious reason) to entertain me… It is already sucky trying to make their life difficult by implementing controls and obstacles to eating snakes, now they have to waste time entertaining me? I joke I joke… I shall eat snake alone then… What to do…

And if things can’t go any south-er, my fucking department secretary called me at 1.45pm and so kanchiongly say its Dr Kieran’s Birthday (errm, ok), quickly come to meeting room to celebrate (right…)… Now, quickly come now… (oh, like I Care…) haha, you seriously think I care and really wana go? So I did what I do best, I leisurely reply one email, slowly drag my big fat ass out of the cubicle and sluggishly shashay into the meeting room, just in time for group photo… Ya, like I fucking care… too bad, I go because I was bored, seriously… Why you think I bother to go if I am busy? Even though it is like only 30secs worth of walk, not even burning 10 calories, come and think of it.

Annual Increment sucks and I did not get my promotion, thereby confirming my theory that not only you have to suck up to big bosses but also need to have reciprocity. Meaning to say if you got the right connection and the right audience, even if you scale one molehill, people will applause. If you got nothing, don’t say molehill, even 10 Everest also people yawn in their seat. Oh well, life is as such and we can only endure and carry on. That paycheck, no matter how bad and pathetic, do come in handy every month end. No really…

The only saving grace? My boss is on 2 days off. Boy, did that helps a lot. No boss around, the time seems easier to pass. What else I do? Think I’m down with a slight (for now) cold. Damn, it sucks being sick and can’t do my training. Oh yes, did I tell you I am training hard (for my age), don’t know for what purpose but guess I wanted to feel the muscle soreness and pain of my earlier years. I hope I can really tahan and endure till next ICT and make it part of my lifestyle. I gave up smoking for Claire Claire and Mommy and have had to find things to fill up the void, BINGO, what can be better than exercise and training to have the nicest taut body? Maybe not taut lah, but fit. I too, missed the sensation of pain and agony, yes, those feelings that accompanied me through the long lonely nights of my younger years. I joke I joke. No, seriously, as much as I long for the fitness of my younger years, guess whatever it is, I have to slowly find it back and be contented with whatever I can achieve.

On that note (The contentment, not fitness), Seow was telling us after the yearly disappointment; be contented lah. Somehow I wish I could agree with him but alas, we are but mere mortal, blinded by greed and lust for power & money, and more money & power… Sigh… we are doomed to fail… to bring my point succinctly across, let’s put it this way; if its not for LOSERS running amok amongst us, how you differentiate me from them? Seriously, it’s like Pigs, doing nothing but eat, sleep, fuck and then eat somemore, sleep somemore and (yes) fuck, but I digress.

Oh yes, little Claire Claire, remember to eat up and grow big big, ok? Wait mummy worry about you being a small small little princess during birth. Don’t worry the already worried mind of Mummy ok? Just like Daddy, everything also eat, anywhere also can sleep and anything also ok (maybe not anything but close). Be strong, Beautiful and smart like Daddy & Mummy… Ignore our little flaws along the way, ok?

Yes, We love you ever so much.

LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT, LOOK HOW FAR WE'VE COME MY BABY

4 April 2010

Rainy Sunday (28 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2050 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 永远永远 by 李翊君

Mood: *Like that lor”

I better finished off the last touch and get my wedding chronicles out before Claire Claire is due. I really should stop procrastination.

First off, I was a little apprehensive the night before. For some unexplained reason, I felt I had let my little snoopy down. For the longest time, I reckoned that it is in every girl’s dream that the wedding entails glittering events for the entire day & night, coupled with fireworks and such. For that given one day, she is the princess, the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world.

Yet, we had to make do with every human and humanely possible ways, given the short time frame. But I’m glad we did. Through trials and tribulation, (well, not exactly that dramatic), we managed to make this the most beautiful time of our life thy far (Less the birth of our baby)

I hope our closest friends and relatives whom attended and gave their blessings would count our wedding event as one of their more (if not most) memorable ones. Food aside (yes, every one gave their two thumbs up for the wonderful, albeit expensive wedding dinner), we are overwhelmed with the kindest support and well wishes from everyone. We are blessed with your friendship. Thank you.

Oh yes, how I can forget to include those emotional moments; my mom cried during the customary tea ceremony (later it was Lena’s aunt, then Mom again during the solemnization…). During solemnization, I joke joke a little, Lena cried during the ceremony, I laugh again at my jokes, she bit my arm, we frown a little, she bite somemore, we smile and kissed at the end of all.

It was perfect. Sharing a little hug and kisses with the love of my life after our solemnization ceremony.

And now, all we have to do and we are all ready and prepared; For our beloved Claire Claire’ arrival. Hopefully the big white stork will not eat snake and be on time.

I love you

You’re still the one by Shania Twain

When I first saw you, I saw love.

And the first time you touched me, I felt love.

And after all this time, you're still the one I love

Looks like we made it, look how far we've come my baby

We might have took the long way, we knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one) You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to, You're the one I want for life

(You're still the one) You're still the one that I love

The only one I dream of, You're still the one I kiss goodnight

Ain't nothing better, we beat the odds together

I'm glad we didn't listen, look at what we would be missing

I'm so glad we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

A GOOD-BYE IS ONLY PAINFUL IF YOU KNOW YOU'LL NEVER SAY HELLO AGAIN

3 April 2010

Rainy Saturday (29 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 永远永远 by 李翊君

Mood: *Tired”

Might as well… I simply refused to sleep early last night. Come on, it’s the long holidays, and despite having to work on Friday, it is still a long weekend! So I did what I had to do and only drag my simply-cannot-take-it-anymore body to bed at 1am. Damn, 1am it’s like the new 9pm for 95% of the population…. That is why also most look like zombie daily. Yup I go to bed daily from 11 to 6 so that I feel like a fucking winner every day. It’s really your call… to be a winner or a wuss. The choice is clear.

Friday after work, each home all tired. Work aside, I might have trained a little too much on Wednesday. My leg cramped in the middle of Thursday morning and arms sore till Friday night. But it is good shit. I kind of enjoyed these pains, been a while since I felt anything so alive… No wonder people around me called me weird little bird… including my wife

Today early morning brought Mom for her medical appointment which stretched till noon and I had to rush off for our first house viewing after that. Well, at least can get to see a couple of houses before making that important plunge. But the price and that CB cash over valuation, oh my god, how on earth can anyone even afford an apartment now without slogging within an inch of their life… Well it used to be like that, presently, even if you slogged till your last breath, don’t even know whether can survive the rat race and keeping all the joneses happy or not.

Still, like the government used to say, its all your fault. Oh really? Yes, Who ask you to believe in them; believing in their promises to provide a roof over your fucking head and bring home the bacon or bread (for those fucking minority bastard)… You be lucky if they don’t tax you for having sex.

I am so disappointed with the government. We serve with sweat and blood, our prime years wasted in national defence and now, I cannot even afford the basic necessity in life. Oh well, like they say, I aim too high lah, why aim so high and think like a winner? Why don’t I just settle for ghetto or slums… that way, I can still have my rotten bread and moldy bacon and eat it. In short, it’s our fucking fault.

Enough said, I shall be nice for the remaining of the days and be thankful for everything.

Claire Claire, my beloved Claire Claire… Honey Honey, My beloved Honey…

My love and my life, Daddy misses you so muchie… Eat well, sleep better and we’ll be waiting for your arrival in 4 weeks time. Till then, we love you.

永远永远 by 李翊君

一直以为自己可以很坚强, 原来和你一样害怕着孤单

没有你的夜晚, 星星和我一样彷徨, 挂在天上, 忽明又忽暗

不知不觉窗外的天已变亮, 原来醒的时间越来越长

没有你的异乡, 只有冷风陪我流浪, 我怕我的思念, 游不过这片海洋

别对我说永远, 永远, 永远, 永远是太昂贵的誓言

我握不住也看不见, 最后随着浪涛消失不见

别对我说永远, 永远, 永远, 永远不是我要的明天

你爱过我就已足够, 就算到了最后爱已搁浅, 只求你留我在你心田

因为太了解所以很伤心, 没有你只好听着风的呼吸

1 April 2010

Grey Thursday (32 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 了解 by 孙燕姿

Mood: *Normal”

Lena went for a quick gynecology check and to settle our otherwise rattling hearts, the doctor decided to do a CTG (Scan for contraction, heart rate and stuff). We stayed under observation in ward for about 1 ½ hour. At least that got us assured that everything is ok. Naughty little baby…

Went back to office and faced with a complaint of harassment. I literally screwed the culprit and make sure that it never ever happens again, at least not under my watch. Everyone was perked up by it, what can be a better way to end the long weekend. Alas, I am on duty tomorrow but still, it’s a good holiday. Oh yes, I got like 3% increment, some say it is not even enough for a bottle of red (wow, must be damn expensive kind). Well, don’t complain lah, might as well move on. And that is precisely what I going to do… Just give me the opportunity…

Of course, things don’t just fall from heaven, unlike shit, so how? I shall actively hunt for my job; not necessarily a dream job, but something that will bring enable me to bring home bigger bacon and more bread. Yup, at a ripe old age of 32 and I can barely afford life’s wonders. KNNFB and all I can ever blame is myself; for fucking up my life big time.

I am not a loser, not stupid or lazy and I shall prove to the world that I am destined for greater things.

Watch this space.

了解 by 孙燕姿

等于结束的爱情

我和你从两个窗口看出去

往事远远地, 演着一场无声的电影　

没人注意

躲着回忆的生体　

带领我和你的名字向前进

作废的曾经, 留在离开你那天, 挥不去

因为太了解所以很伤心　

没有你只好听着风的呼吸

却有种叫做时间的东西　

说没问题, 最后我们会痊癒

因为太了解我无法坚定　

这一次会要掉眼泪的决定

有些遗憾只能一个人听

很对不起, 我还是珍惜

所有的事情

EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY…

6 January 2010
Dreamy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Rainy Evening @ 2000 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 四季by黄丽玲
Mood: *Woops”

Nowadays damn lazy for everything and anything. At work, do everything I can muster, reach home, slack till bed time. I don’t even find thrill in anything than just idle behind my laptop and surfing around aimlessly. Like a firefly; euphoric about the fucking light on my ass, thinking of the endless possibility my ass can be, in the end, I’m only fucking myself…

Moving on, my wedding preparation… We did the necessary first and what could be more important than breaking the news to our Moms. Maybe I have seen too many Chinese serial dramas (bad I tell you); holly cow, MOMs didn’t kick my ass as logic would dictate. Well, after getting all the necessity out of the way, we started on the wedding planning.

Han recommended a 2 months’ timeline to complete the entire proceeding; including the customary wedding man! Along the way, we also discover this little known fact/problem about our dear old Registry of Marriage law where it has a mandatory 3 week notice posting on its website (for people to object lah… In line with the law, whatever that means). It kind of shorten the already shorten phase. We have had to get all these out within 2 months or before her tummy gets a little obvious.

But we are Super Mom & Dad. Following this SUPER reason, one full month was all we needed. Amazingly but true and it supported my hypothesis that

1. Humans are basically fuckers… why?
2. Because give them too many choices, and their brain freezes… (read Inefficiently dumb)

Choices (or lacked of it) make it easier for everyone. Luckily for us, we got the bridal package, wedding dinner, nitty gritty details all ironed out (with numerous trips to the gynecologist included) within the first 3 weeks, leaving one whole week to relax one corner. It wasn’t easy; tempers flare, tears were lost, hands were bitten (I joke I joke)… But thank goodness, everything goes smoothly on the biggest day of our life, 12 October 2009.

On the appointed time 7am on 12 October, we left for the Chinese customary marriage. I tried to make it as relaxing and easy on our life as possible for the day’s event. I mean, why stress us and those of our dearest friends and relatives on the happiest day of our life? I have seen my share of wedding preparations and ceremonies that runs on military clockwork. Damn, you wouldn’t want to be in their shoes and yet for all their hardship done willingly, they still complained. DUH… They endure these pains and rehearsal because they WANTED IT TO BE THE BEST!!! Come on, at the end of the day, to whom you gona impressed? What the guests going to remember you by? I mean, I don’t even remember 95% of the weddings I attended so why the fuck you think I gona remember yours? Anyway, I supposed, to each its own. We live our life to our expectation and we have decided to make this life a nice little cuddly world.

Earlier, I was contemplating to make this either a chronological or an event (like marriage – pre & post, pregnancy etc) but decided on the former. Given my lack of attention span, I think this is the best way forward. Yes yes, whatever that means…

We are so looking forward spending the rest of our life together and awaiting the arrival of our little bundle of joy; Amelia. Daddy and Mommy waiting ever so patiently; be safe and healthy. Oh yes, go slow on the tantrum part, mommy is in a rather lethargic state for the longest time.

And in all God’s wonders and glories, we love you so much

Good Night Amelia, Snoopy, Woodstock & Snoopy’s Mummy

I’M STARTING TO BECOME CONCERNED ABOUT MY OBSESSION WITH ANYTHING THAT MOVES

30 December 2009

Dreamy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 2230 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 四季by黄丽玲

Mood: *SO much the better, I can fight in the shade

Time for the end-of-year recap and re-resolution. Alas, the pain and agony of it all…

Nevertheless, it’s a once a year pain, so its pretty much bearable. I hope…

So, now, the re-cap

Beside the fact that people are fuckers, I have somehow ascertain that, yup, people are basically still fuckers. No need to give any statistics or whatsoever, its just so simple, straightforward and sweet; people are and will always be fuckers.

I shall now give thanks to the friendship (both new and renewed) I made, the wonderful memories from friends and relatives alike and the arrival of my baby niece, Chloe.

Been a while since we had anything significance…

Moving on, I got married to my little beagle/angel/snoopy/the-best-thing in my life. Yes, finally haha and we are waiting very patiently for the arrival of our little daughter, Amelia.

Then now what… Well, I lost my will to write and slowly, but surely, I am dying a slow and painless death while the rest of you are dying of a slow and painful one, albeit on a more emotional tunes. Therein lies my dilemma, to be or not to be… Then it begs the question; it is not the being that is painful but the lack of it. I am basically fucked. By happiness and everything good about life.

I can barely feel my own negativity without breaking into happiness and all sunny and rosy. Told you I’m fucked.

To end, it is my tradition to finish this post in a prayer and wishes for the better

Though I walk through the valley of idiots, I shall fear neither joblessness nor the temptation to kick their ass, for I have my journal to curse them and my highly marketable job skills. But my investment portfolio isn’t doing as well as I hoped, and my bank account is virtually nonexistence, so if it’s not too much to ask, I need a higher return so I can escape from these clowns. And to live in splendor while they wrestle in the mud and hopefully me making it in one piece to find my precious…

That’s all for the year and hopefully, 2010 will be another non-eventful year (Save for the arrival of my little girl). Old liao, Mr Bird, cannot always got eventful things happening, my heart tak boleh tahan.

To the best thing that ever happen to me, (That’s my wife); Honey, I love you ever so much

And the next best thing that can happen (my daughter lah); Sweetie, Daddy and Mommy love you so so much

Happy 2010

P.S try to live through this, for everyone sake….

MY NAME CAUSES NATIONAL SECURITY ALERT, WHAT DOES YOURS DO?

27 November 2008
Dreamy Friday (29 Degree Celsius)
Early Morning @ 0600 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 世界唯一的你 by 曹格
Mood: *Waddling in the pool”

Not me lah, but it did happen to one of my colleague, a Malay chap unfortunately. His last name (or surname in our context) consist along the line of the highly sought after terrorist in the Philippines. And to make matter worse, they don’t really have any clue (the Police/Immigration) other than the big red panic button. So how? He kena detained for 3 days before they cleared up the misunderstanding. No lawyers, no diplomatic visits, nothing. Oh well… he never felt happier after that. Think he gona make more babies again… Damn

Moving on, I have been through many rites of passage(s), none of which even come close, personally, in a contextual basis of me getting hitched, married in the traditional way of the Chinese Immigrants (specifically 3rd Generation of Han Chinese). It was pretty serene, if not surreal.

First, let me put my answer in context. The hassle, the rush, the agonizing pondering, colored with much hue of anticipations and in a clearer sense, my wife (then girlfriend) is pregnant and so it kind of forwarded the entire year’s event (and milestones) into one single month. How can that happened (the squeezing, not the pregnancy)?

In a nutshell, early in September, we left for an impromptu holidays to Phuket, Thailand with her kin’s (all 15 of them). Yup, now I recalled James’ theory (in one of his many philosophical moods); you don’t marry the girl only, you married her entire village. Boss sure knows how to make light of any situation. And why yes, it is Phuket again. Exactly one year after my last visit, and guess what, I’m so thrillZZzzzz…. Nevertheless, it was a rather relaxing trip; moving around, shopping, and even getting an elephant ride (yup, those sort of things)… nothing too fanciful.

We even booked our long awaited holidays to Taiwan.

Till then (or up till then), we merely suspected that the late menstrual period was (rightly or now we know, wrongly) due to stress. Everything went pretty well till mid September when it dawn us that the “late period” “cannot be that late what”. One thing leads to another and we decided to test it out with those over-the-counter pregnancy kits and Voila, welcome onboard, Mom & Dad!

Of course, we couldn’t really trust those little tubes (the Gynae would be eating grass), can we? So we did what millions (somewhat irrational figures) do what they do best, approach professional help; and on 12 September 2009, after the ultrasound scan, we are definitely gona have a baby.

Aside the happiness, we are plagued with the initial uncertainty and some degree of disbelief. From 9 September (the Kit test) to Gynecologist’s confirmation on the 12th, we did consider various options; the timing, the appropriateness of the baby alongside our moral, societal norms and parental responsibility. It will be untruthful to say that abortion was not tabled. Fortunately, logic and love prevail and now, the baby is safe, kicking happily (no pun…) and growing at astronomical rate (4th month and you should see her size!). And according to my wife, she should be growing her first hair now. Size wise, she’s like a big avocado (Her exact words, Wife, not our daughter).

I wish the entries of our baby’s journey to be as truthful and humanely as possible. She deserves to know what is/are going in our minds from the time of conception to eventual delivery. Some ain’t pleasant but hey, that’s life. Take it with an open mind, Baby (if you ever read this). We want nothing but the best for you.

Having said that, Hello Amelia!

You are 4 months old now. Yes, we now know you are a princess (As opposed to a prince). Similarly, the Doc says he is 70% confirm is a princess. We wouldn’t want to discount him hor, not when he is supposed to be delivering you. We Love you!