A GOOD-BYE IS ONLY PAINFUL IF YOU KNOW YOU'LL NEVER SAY HELLO AGAIN

3 April 2010

Rainy Saturday (29 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 永远永远 by 李翊君

Mood: *Tired”

Might as well… I simply refused to sleep early last night. Come on, it’s the long holidays, and despite having to work on Friday, it is still a long weekend! So I did what I had to do and only drag my simply-cannot-take-it-anymore body to bed at 1am. Damn, 1am it’s like the new 9pm for 95% of the population…. That is why also most look like zombie daily. Yup I go to bed daily from 11 to 6 so that I feel like a fucking winner every day. It’s really your call… to be a winner or a wuss. The choice is clear.

Friday after work, each home all tired. Work aside, I might have trained a little too much on Wednesday. My leg cramped in the middle of Thursday morning and arms sore till Friday night. But it is good shit. I kind of enjoyed these pains, been a while since I felt anything so alive… No wonder people around me called me weird little bird… including my wife

Today early morning brought Mom for her medical appointment which stretched till noon and I had to rush off for our first house viewing after that. Well, at least can get to see a couple of houses before making that important plunge. But the price and that CB cash over valuation, oh my god, how on earth can anyone even afford an apartment now without slogging within an inch of their life… Well it used to be like that, presently, even if you slogged till your last breath, don’t even know whether can survive the rat race and keeping all the joneses happy or not.

Still, like the government used to say, its all your fault. Oh really? Yes, Who ask you to believe in them; believing in their promises to provide a roof over your fucking head and bring home the bacon or bread (for those fucking minority bastard)… You be lucky if they don’t tax you for having sex.

I am so disappointed with the government. We serve with sweat and blood, our prime years wasted in national defence and now, I cannot even afford the basic necessity in life. Oh well, like they say, I aim too high lah, why aim so high and think like a winner? Why don’t I just settle for ghetto or slums… that way, I can still have my rotten bread and moldy bacon and eat it. In short, it’s our fucking fault.

Enough said, I shall be nice for the remaining of the days and be thankful for everything.

Claire Claire, my beloved Claire Claire… Honey Honey, My beloved Honey…

My love and my life, Daddy misses you so muchie… Eat well, sleep better and we’ll be waiting for your arrival in 4 weeks time. Till then, we love you.

永远永远 by 李翊君

一直以为自己可以很坚强, 原来和你一样害怕着孤单

没有你的夜晚, 星星和我一样彷徨, 挂在天上, 忽明又忽暗

不知不觉窗外的天已变亮, 原来醒的时间越来越长

没有你的异乡, 只有冷风陪我流浪, 我怕我的思念, 游不过这片海洋

别对我说永远, 永远, 永远, 永远是太昂贵的誓言

我握不住也看不见, 最后随着浪涛消失不见

别对我说永远, 永远, 永远, 永远不是我要的明天

你爱过我就已足够, 就算到了最后爱已搁浅, 只求你留我在你心田

因为太了解所以很伤心, 没有你只好听着风的呼吸

1 April 2010

Grey Thursday (32 Degree Celsius)

Late Night @ 2150 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 了解 by 孙燕姿

Mood: *Normal”

Lena went for a quick gynecology check and to settle our otherwise rattling hearts, the doctor decided to do a CTG (Scan for contraction, heart rate and stuff). We stayed under observation in ward for about 1 ½ hour. At least that got us assured that everything is ok. Naughty little baby…

Went back to office and faced with a complaint of harassment. I literally screwed the culprit and make sure that it never ever happens again, at least not under my watch. Everyone was perked up by it, what can be a better way to end the long weekend. Alas, I am on duty tomorrow but still, it’s a good holiday. Oh yes, I got like 3% increment, some say it is not even enough for a bottle of red (wow, must be damn expensive kind). Well, don’t complain lah, might as well move on. And that is precisely what I going to do… Just give me the opportunity…

Of course, things don’t just fall from heaven, unlike shit, so how? I shall actively hunt for my job; not necessarily a dream job, but something that will bring enable me to bring home bigger bacon and more bread. Yup, at a ripe old age of 32 and I can barely afford life’s wonders. KNNFB and all I can ever blame is myself; for fucking up my life big time.

I am not a loser, not stupid or lazy and I shall prove to the world that I am destined for greater things.

Watch this space.

了解 by 孙燕姿

等于结束的爱情

我和你从两个窗口看出去

往事远远地, 演着一场无声的电影　

没人注意

躲着回忆的生体　

带领我和你的名字向前进

作废的曾经, 留在离开你那天, 挥不去

因为太了解所以很伤心　

没有你只好听着风的呼吸

却有种叫做时间的东西　

说没问题, 最后我们会痊癒

因为太了解我无法坚定　

这一次会要掉眼泪的决定

有些遗憾只能一个人听

很对不起, 我还是珍惜

所有的事情

EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY…

6 January 2010
Dreamy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Rainy Evening @ 2000 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 四季by黄丽玲
Mood: *Woops”

Nowadays damn lazy for everything and anything. At work, do everything I can muster, reach home, slack till bed time. I don’t even find thrill in anything than just idle behind my laptop and surfing around aimlessly. Like a firefly; euphoric about the fucking light on my ass, thinking of the endless possibility my ass can be, in the end, I’m only fucking myself…

Moving on, my wedding preparation… We did the necessary first and what could be more important than breaking the news to our Moms. Maybe I have seen too many Chinese serial dramas (bad I tell you); holly cow, MOMs didn’t kick my ass as logic would dictate. Well, after getting all the necessity out of the way, we started on the wedding planning.

Han recommended a 2 months’ timeline to complete the entire proceeding; including the customary wedding man! Along the way, we also discover this little known fact/problem about our dear old Registry of Marriage law where it has a mandatory 3 week notice posting on its website (for people to object lah… In line with the law, whatever that means). It kind of shorten the already shorten phase. We have had to get all these out within 2 months or before her tummy gets a little obvious.

But we are Super Mom & Dad. Following this SUPER reason, one full month was all we needed. Amazingly but true and it supported my hypothesis that

1. Humans are basically fuckers… why?
2. Because give them too many choices, and their brain freezes… (read Inefficiently dumb)

Choices (or lacked of it) make it easier for everyone. Luckily for us, we got the bridal package, wedding dinner, nitty gritty details all ironed out (with numerous trips to the gynecologist included) within the first 3 weeks, leaving one whole week to relax one corner. It wasn’t easy; tempers flare, tears were lost, hands were bitten (I joke I joke)… But thank goodness, everything goes smoothly on the biggest day of our life, 12 October 2009.

On the appointed time 7am on 12 October, we left for the Chinese customary marriage. I tried to make it as relaxing and easy on our life as possible for the day’s event. I mean, why stress us and those of our dearest friends and relatives on the happiest day of our life? I have seen my share of wedding preparations and ceremonies that runs on military clockwork. Damn, you wouldn’t want to be in their shoes and yet for all their hardship done willingly, they still complained. DUH… They endure these pains and rehearsal because they WANTED IT TO BE THE BEST!!! Come on, at the end of the day, to whom you gona impressed? What the guests going to remember you by? I mean, I don’t even remember 95% of the weddings I attended so why the fuck you think I gona remember yours? Anyway, I supposed, to each its own. We live our life to our expectation and we have decided to make this life a nice little cuddly world.

Earlier, I was contemplating to make this either a chronological or an event (like marriage – pre & post, pregnancy etc) but decided on the former. Given my lack of attention span, I think this is the best way forward. Yes yes, whatever that means…

We are so looking forward spending the rest of our life together and awaiting the arrival of our little bundle of joy; Amelia. Daddy and Mommy waiting ever so patiently; be safe and healthy. Oh yes, go slow on the tantrum part, mommy is in a rather lethargic state for the longest time.

And in all God’s wonders and glories, we love you so much

Good Night Amelia, Snoopy, Woodstock & Snoopy’s Mummy

I’M STARTING TO BECOME CONCERNED ABOUT MY OBSESSION WITH ANYTHING THAT MOVES

30 December 2009

Dreamy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 2230 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 四季by黄丽玲

Mood: *SO much the better, I can fight in the shade

Time for the end-of-year recap and re-resolution. Alas, the pain and agony of it all…

Nevertheless, it’s a once a year pain, so its pretty much bearable. I hope…

So, now, the re-cap

Beside the fact that people are fuckers, I have somehow ascertain that, yup, people are basically still fuckers. No need to give any statistics or whatsoever, its just so simple, straightforward and sweet; people are and will always be fuckers.

I shall now give thanks to the friendship (both new and renewed) I made, the wonderful memories from friends and relatives alike and the arrival of my baby niece, Chloe.

Been a while since we had anything significance…

Moving on, I got married to my little beagle/angel/snoopy/the-best-thing in my life. Yes, finally haha and we are waiting very patiently for the arrival of our little daughter, Amelia.

Then now what… Well, I lost my will to write and slowly, but surely, I am dying a slow and painless death while the rest of you are dying of a slow and painful one, albeit on a more emotional tunes. Therein lies my dilemma, to be or not to be… Then it begs the question; it is not the being that is painful but the lack of it. I am basically fucked. By happiness and everything good about life.

I can barely feel my own negativity without breaking into happiness and all sunny and rosy. Told you I’m fucked.

To end, it is my tradition to finish this post in a prayer and wishes for the better

Though I walk through the valley of idiots, I shall fear neither joblessness nor the temptation to kick their ass, for I have my journal to curse them and my highly marketable job skills. But my investment portfolio isn’t doing as well as I hoped, and my bank account is virtually nonexistence, so if it’s not too much to ask, I need a higher return so I can escape from these clowns. And to live in splendor while they wrestle in the mud and hopefully me making it in one piece to find my precious…

That’s all for the year and hopefully, 2010 will be another non-eventful year (Save for the arrival of my little girl). Old liao, Mr Bird, cannot always got eventful things happening, my heart tak boleh tahan.

To the best thing that ever happen to me, (That’s my wife); Honey, I love you ever so much

And the next best thing that can happen (my daughter lah); Sweetie, Daddy and Mommy love you so so much

Happy 2010

P.S try to live through this, for everyone sake….

MY NAME CAUSES NATIONAL SECURITY ALERT, WHAT DOES YOURS DO?

27 November 2008
Dreamy Friday (29 Degree Celsius)
Early Morning @ 0600 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 世界唯一的你 by 曹格
Mood: *Waddling in the pool”

Not me lah, but it did happen to one of my colleague, a Malay chap unfortunately. His last name (or surname in our context) consist along the line of the highly sought after terrorist in the Philippines. And to make matter worse, they don’t really have any clue (the Police/Immigration) other than the big red panic button. So how? He kena detained for 3 days before they cleared up the misunderstanding. No lawyers, no diplomatic visits, nothing. Oh well… he never felt happier after that. Think he gona make more babies again… Damn

Moving on, I have been through many rites of passage(s), none of which even come close, personally, in a contextual basis of me getting hitched, married in the traditional way of the Chinese Immigrants (specifically 3rd Generation of Han Chinese). It was pretty serene, if not surreal.

First, let me put my answer in context. The hassle, the rush, the agonizing pondering, colored with much hue of anticipations and in a clearer sense, my wife (then girlfriend) is pregnant and so it kind of forwarded the entire year’s event (and milestones) into one single month. How can that happened (the squeezing, not the pregnancy)?

In a nutshell, early in September, we left for an impromptu holidays to Phuket, Thailand with her kin’s (all 15 of them). Yup, now I recalled James’ theory (in one of his many philosophical moods); you don’t marry the girl only, you married her entire village. Boss sure knows how to make light of any situation. And why yes, it is Phuket again. Exactly one year after my last visit, and guess what, I’m so thrillZZzzzz…. Nevertheless, it was a rather relaxing trip; moving around, shopping, and even getting an elephant ride (yup, those sort of things)… nothing too fanciful.

We even booked our long awaited holidays to Taiwan.

Till then (or up till then), we merely suspected that the late menstrual period was (rightly or now we know, wrongly) due to stress. Everything went pretty well till mid September when it dawn us that the “late period” “cannot be that late what”. One thing leads to another and we decided to test it out with those over-the-counter pregnancy kits and Voila, welcome onboard, Mom & Dad!

Of course, we couldn’t really trust those little tubes (the Gynae would be eating grass), can we? So we did what millions (somewhat irrational figures) do what they do best, approach professional help; and on 12 September 2009, after the ultrasound scan, we are definitely gona have a baby.

Aside the happiness, we are plagued with the initial uncertainty and some degree of disbelief. From 9 September (the Kit test) to Gynecologist’s confirmation on the 12th, we did consider various options; the timing, the appropriateness of the baby alongside our moral, societal norms and parental responsibility. It will be untruthful to say that abortion was not tabled. Fortunately, logic and love prevail and now, the baby is safe, kicking happily (no pun…) and growing at astronomical rate (4th month and you should see her size!). And according to my wife, she should be growing her first hair now. Size wise, she’s like a big avocado (Her exact words, Wife, not our daughter).

I wish the entries of our baby’s journey to be as truthful and humanely as possible. She deserves to know what is/are going in our minds from the time of conception to eventual delivery. Some ain’t pleasant but hey, that’s life. Take it with an open mind, Baby (if you ever read this). We want nothing but the best for you.

Having said that, Hello Amelia!

You are 4 months old now. Yes, we now know you are a princess (As opposed to a prince). Similarly, the Doc says he is 70% confirm is a princess. We wouldn’t want to discount him hor, not when he is supposed to be delivering you. We Love you!

QUE SARA, SARA (WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE)

22 November 2008
Sunny Sunday (27 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 0900 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 世界唯一的你 by 曹格
Mood: *Paddling in the pool”

Rainy season (we actually have seasons!) gets on slightly earlier than usual. Flash flood hit Bukit Timah and it was so bad that, according to the government, it is one of those once-in-50-years type. Right, and since they know it is 50-years-type thingy, why then does PUB and LTA shake leg eat snake every day? Either way, lucky for me, I was away for reservist call up. So for obvious reason, I missed Bukit Timah area by a mile… Yes, Lucky me.

On the Reservist note, I was practically Lobo-ing for the longest time in my life. I should have just slept through, but knowing how the CB officers and specialists work, I shan’t, lest I got sabo and kena blanket party. Yup, at our age somemore. You can’t really mature a man, any man…

Went to my buddy wedding dinner last night. It was ok, nothing fanciful, a simple dinner of warmth and blessing. Finally, after being together for the longest time (think 15 years), they finally tied the knot. However, everything that prelude (before and after) the wedding sucks. Firstly, the carpark(s) are full. The entire vicinity carpark are full. FULL! One joker security guard (managing traffic cos everywhere is packed, yet surprisingly orderly…) suggest parking at St. James. DUDE, DO YOU have any idea HOW FAR ST JAMES IS TO DINNER? Told you that guy is a joker… Wanted to park at double-yellow road just off the street but got CB traffic warden and then it will also set me back by 70 bucks… Ok, then Bright idea came along, the Coach parking area. That’s my next set of dilemma, I was told it will be expensive (thanks Guy for telling me, AFTER I parked…) but I didn’t know it will be THAT expensive. For a 3 hour parking, my cash card is S$20.40 poorer. Lucky for me again, cash card got money. Damn…

Then I have my own sets of problem. After 31 years of existence, I came to the realization my flaws, weakness and strength, many of which will remain anonymous; one thing for sure, I’m not good with spoken words. Alas, the agony (what agony?) haha… ANYWAY…

Once or twice or… for the longest time, many years ago, I was troubled by love, career and everything that life throws at me. I fell in and out of depression; it got especially bad when I was in the States. Everything smells, look and taste grey and gloomy. But it did serve to create this greater awareness of my inner self (albeit a whole spectrum of Blue-ness) and the needed strength to overcome greater adversities. Like I said earlier, I am in happiness now. Never had I been in such calmness and blissfully loving life for like ever. Such bliss comes at a price; I lost the will to write those heart wrenching entries and to overcome my limitation… and that is a problem? Why yes…

Take Marathon or long distance running for example. During my remedial training in the army, somehow, I can’t find the needed boost to spur me on. It was a puzzling time; I cannot understand the rationale and for that 1 minute, my brain literally on overdrive, trying to come to terms with my apparent disability. Then it dawn me… I am older (by a decade) and happier (much of my existence with my wife). Ah, that explains everything. Happy man how to torture oneself? Why, even to begin…

I lost my sense of writing in the process too.

Nevertheless, it is all good. I will however, visit it time and again, of my depression and all the sadness. I will never leave them behind. They are my precious…. My little precious

Right, Moving on…I’m going for a healthier me. That includes Jogging 3 times a week, or make that twice, golfing, and perhaps Gym… And no swimming? Well, put it this way, if swimming is good for our figure, explain whales to me.

Then again, there are whole lots of other land based creature, like big fat fugly Woodstock… Watch this space! Oh yes, Mom & Dad Loves you, our little Woodstock/snoopy Junior.

THE FEET OF THE DUCK WENT OVER THE FENCE BEFORE THE TAIL

27 August 2008
Cloudy Thursday (28 Degree Celsius)
Evening @ 1740 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 诺言 by李翊君
Mood: *duh”

It has been a while. Not a long while but long enough to feel the absence.

Just like my under-the-weather feeling. You see, I got sick recently, or rather, feel sick(ed). Then for some unknown reason, I felt better a while later, only to be stricken later. It’s like I know I don’t feel well but it is not bad enough to see a doctor and get medical leaves… So how? I’m fucked.

Speaking of being fucked, my department female-of-a-dog made her presence felt again and started harping on our duty roosters. This little insignificant act somehow made our life a tad tough and difficult lately. Nevertheless, she never foresees the thunders and lightning we plan throwing (at her… Muahaha…) Never Nevertheless, I always believe, live and let live lah, no need to go to the extremes. Perhaps she had a bad night (sex, or the lacked of it). Luckily though, I am a morally Upright Woddstock, haha. Once you live life in accordance to Celestial Standards which encompass (but not wholly) things like no hanky panky (I cannot explain how important this principle is). If you try to circumvent life and its jurisdiction (just because, YES just because), then assuredly you will be screwed. You know, one thing I have learnt, these bastards will never go away. It’s like one day, when you realize its inquisitiveness, that one fucking day, they will fucking return and fucking haunt you.

On a lighter note, I have decided to swear less. Why? Got baby in the family, not very nice. Just sing Monkey, Gorilla, Chimpanzee… Yup, those kind of things

Next, wife and I were babysitting our baby niece, Chloe on a Friday night. It was tough but merrily fun and uplifting. It’s heartwarming to see her smiling, crying, getting hungry, smiling again after being fed. Well, it’s nice having a baby in the family…

Got my first branded wallet. It is like an ultra luxury for me, I don’t believe in using such an expensive wallet, I mean, WHY? But a Mont Blanc is a Mont Blanc is a Mont Blanc… Just like my significant other’s Gucci is a Gucci is a … Ya, you get the message.

Work still ok, it’s neither too high nor too low, like the stock market; neither here nor there but hey, that’s life. Friends are still fine, sometime being a little too fucker for comfort, but generally still ok. Family and relatives are going strong, like I said, nothing too fanciful. Having said that, I think I’m going to write like once in a blue moon, at the rate things are going. I have nothing much to talk about, nothing to complain and nothing to really FEEL… Damn, not exactly a bad thing but still, it sucks… We can’t have best of all worlds… so how? We eat, grow fat and die. Better for the heart.

Clerks still getting on my nerves, colleagues sometime fucked up, luckily for me, I got my snoopy. On that note, YES, boys and girls, we are now known as Mr & Mrs Snoopy & Woodstock. How did that happen? It started at wee hours (like 4am) of 16 August where we left for Sheares Bridge 21km run. Reach destination, warm up, and off we go for the half marathon. It was painful, after like 6 years of absence (Woodstock) but luckily, we managed to finish in one piece. Went home, shower and when everyone is out, we exchanged our 1 year anniversary gift (first). Then I made her covered her eyes for a surprise… I tied the proposal ring on Inuka (our little bear) and with a bouquet of flowers, I proposed to my lovely Snoopy. The rest is history.

Thank you Honey, for being my beautiful wife and BFF (Best Friend Foever). I’ll try to be your best friend and soulmate I could ever become. And I Love you