EAT WELL, STAY FIT, DIE ANYWAY…

6 January 2010
Dreamy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Rainy Evening @ 2000 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 四季by黄丽玲
Mood: *Woops”

Nowadays damn lazy for everything and anything. At work, do everything I can muster, reach home, slack till bed time. I don’t even find thrill in anything than just idle behind my laptop and surfing around aimlessly. Like a firefly; euphoric about the fucking light on my ass, thinking of the endless possibility my ass can be, in the end, I’m only fucking myself…

Moving on, my wedding preparation… We did the necessary first and what could be more important than breaking the news to our Moms. Maybe I have seen too many Chinese serial dramas (bad I tell you); holly cow, MOMs didn’t kick my ass as logic would dictate. Well, after getting all the necessity out of the way, we started on the wedding planning.

Han recommended a 2 months’ timeline to complete the entire proceeding; including the customary wedding man! Along the way, we also discover this little known fact/problem about our dear old Registry of Marriage law where it has a mandatory 3 week notice posting on its website (for people to object lah… In line with the law, whatever that means). It kind of shorten the already shorten phase. We have had to get all these out within 2 months or before her tummy gets a little obvious.

But we are Super Mom & Dad. Following this SUPER reason, one full month was all we needed. Amazingly but true and it supported my hypothesis that

1. Humans are basically fuckers… why?
2. Because give them too many choices, and their brain freezes… (read Inefficiently dumb)

Choices (or lacked of it) make it easier for everyone. Luckily for us, we got the bridal package, wedding dinner, nitty gritty details all ironed out (with numerous trips to the gynecologist included) within the first 3 weeks, leaving one whole week to relax one corner. It wasn’t easy; tempers flare, tears were lost, hands were bitten (I joke I joke)… But thank goodness, everything goes smoothly on the biggest day of our life, 12 October 2009.

On the appointed time 7am on 12 October, we left for the Chinese customary marriage. I tried to make it as relaxing and easy on our life as possible for the day’s event. I mean, why stress us and those of our dearest friends and relatives on the happiest day of our life? I have seen my share of wedding preparations and ceremonies that runs on military clockwork. Damn, you wouldn’t want to be in their shoes and yet for all their hardship done willingly, they still complained. DUH… They endure these pains and rehearsal because they WANTED IT TO BE THE BEST!!! Come on, at the end of the day, to whom you gona impressed? What the guests going to remember you by? I mean, I don’t even remember 95% of the weddings I attended so why the fuck you think I gona remember yours? Anyway, I supposed, to each its own. We live our life to our expectation and we have decided to make this life a nice little cuddly world.

Earlier, I was contemplating to make this either a chronological or an event (like marriage – pre & post, pregnancy etc) but decided on the former. Given my lack of attention span, I think this is the best way forward. Yes yes, whatever that means…

We are so looking forward spending the rest of our life together and awaiting the arrival of our little bundle of joy; Amelia. Daddy and Mommy waiting ever so patiently; be safe and healthy. Oh yes, go slow on the tantrum part, mommy is in a rather lethargic state for the longest time.

And in all God’s wonders and glories, we love you so much

Good Night Amelia, Snoopy, Woodstock & Snoopy’s Mummy

I’M STARTING TO BECOME CONCERNED ABOUT MY OBSESSION WITH ANYTHING THAT MOVES

30 December 2009

Dreamy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)

Evening @ 2230 (Singapore Time)

Listen: 四季by黄丽玲

Mood: *SO much the better, I can fight in the shade

Time for the end-of-year recap and re-resolution. Alas, the pain and agony of it all…

Nevertheless, it’s a once a year pain, so its pretty much bearable. I hope…

So, now, the re-cap

Beside the fact that people are fuckers, I have somehow ascertain that, yup, people are basically still fuckers. No need to give any statistics or whatsoever, its just so simple, straightforward and sweet; people are and will always be fuckers.

I shall now give thanks to the friendship (both new and renewed) I made, the wonderful memories from friends and relatives alike and the arrival of my baby niece, Chloe.

Been a while since we had anything significance…

Moving on, I got married to my little beagle/angel/snoopy/the-best-thing in my life. Yes, finally haha and we are waiting very patiently for the arrival of our little daughter, Amelia.

Then now what… Well, I lost my will to write and slowly, but surely, I am dying a slow and painless death while the rest of you are dying of a slow and painful one, albeit on a more emotional tunes. Therein lies my dilemma, to be or not to be… Then it begs the question; it is not the being that is painful but the lack of it. I am basically fucked. By happiness and everything good about life.

I can barely feel my own negativity without breaking into happiness and all sunny and rosy. Told you I’m fucked.

To end, it is my tradition to finish this post in a prayer and wishes for the better

Though I walk through the valley of idiots, I shall fear neither joblessness nor the temptation to kick their ass, for I have my journal to curse them and my highly marketable job skills. But my investment portfolio isn’t doing as well as I hoped, and my bank account is virtually nonexistence, so if it’s not too much to ask, I need a higher return so I can escape from these clowns. And to live in splendor while they wrestle in the mud and hopefully me making it in one piece to find my precious…

That’s all for the year and hopefully, 2010 will be another non-eventful year (Save for the arrival of my little girl). Old liao, Mr Bird, cannot always got eventful things happening, my heart tak boleh tahan.

To the best thing that ever happen to me, (That’s my wife); Honey, I love you ever so much

And the next best thing that can happen (my daughter lah); Sweetie, Daddy and Mommy love you so so much

Happy 2010

P.S try to live through this, for everyone sake….

MY NAME CAUSES NATIONAL SECURITY ALERT, WHAT DOES YOURS DO?

27 November 2008
Dreamy Friday (29 Degree Celsius)
Early Morning @ 0600 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 世界唯一的你 by 曹格
Mood: *Waddling in the pool”

Not me lah, but it did happen to one of my colleague, a Malay chap unfortunately. His last name (or surname in our context) consist along the line of the highly sought after terrorist in the Philippines. And to make matter worse, they don’t really have any clue (the Police/Immigration) other than the big red panic button. So how? He kena detained for 3 days before they cleared up the misunderstanding. No lawyers, no diplomatic visits, nothing. Oh well… he never felt happier after that. Think he gona make more babies again… Damn

Moving on, I have been through many rites of passage(s), none of which even come close, personally, in a contextual basis of me getting hitched, married in the traditional way of the Chinese Immigrants (specifically 3rd Generation of Han Chinese). It was pretty serene, if not surreal.

First, let me put my answer in context. The hassle, the rush, the agonizing pondering, colored with much hue of anticipations and in a clearer sense, my wife (then girlfriend) is pregnant and so it kind of forwarded the entire year’s event (and milestones) into one single month. How can that happened (the squeezing, not the pregnancy)?

In a nutshell, early in September, we left for an impromptu holidays to Phuket, Thailand with her kin’s (all 15 of them). Yup, now I recalled James’ theory (in one of his many philosophical moods); you don’t marry the girl only, you married her entire village. Boss sure knows how to make light of any situation. And why yes, it is Phuket again. Exactly one year after my last visit, and guess what, I’m so thrillZZzzzz…. Nevertheless, it was a rather relaxing trip; moving around, shopping, and even getting an elephant ride (yup, those sort of things)… nothing too fanciful.

We even booked our long awaited holidays to Taiwan.

Till then (or up till then), we merely suspected that the late menstrual period was (rightly or now we know, wrongly) due to stress. Everything went pretty well till mid September when it dawn us that the “late period” “cannot be that late what”. One thing leads to another and we decided to test it out with those over-the-counter pregnancy kits and Voila, welcome onboard, Mom & Dad!

Of course, we couldn’t really trust those little tubes (the Gynae would be eating grass), can we? So we did what millions (somewhat irrational figures) do what they do best, approach professional help; and on 12 September 2009, after the ultrasound scan, we are definitely gona have a baby.

Aside the happiness, we are plagued with the initial uncertainty and some degree of disbelief. From 9 September (the Kit test) to Gynecologist’s confirmation on the 12th, we did consider various options; the timing, the appropriateness of the baby alongside our moral, societal norms and parental responsibility. It will be untruthful to say that abortion was not tabled. Fortunately, logic and love prevail and now, the baby is safe, kicking happily (no pun…) and growing at astronomical rate (4th month and you should see her size!). And according to my wife, she should be growing her first hair now. Size wise, she’s like a big avocado (Her exact words, Wife, not our daughter).

I wish the entries of our baby’s journey to be as truthful and humanely as possible. She deserves to know what is/are going in our minds from the time of conception to eventual delivery. Some ain’t pleasant but hey, that’s life. Take it with an open mind, Baby (if you ever read this). We want nothing but the best for you.

Having said that, Hello Amelia!

You are 4 months old now. Yes, we now know you are a princess (As opposed to a prince). Similarly, the Doc says he is 70% confirm is a princess. We wouldn’t want to discount him hor, not when he is supposed to be delivering you. We Love you!

QUE SARA, SARA (WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE)

22 November 2008
Sunny Sunday (27 Degree Celsius)
Morning @ 0900 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 世界唯一的你 by 曹格
Mood: *Paddling in the pool”

Rainy season (we actually have seasons!) gets on slightly earlier than usual. Flash flood hit Bukit Timah and it was so bad that, according to the government, it is one of those once-in-50-years type. Right, and since they know it is 50-years-type thingy, why then does PUB and LTA shake leg eat snake every day? Either way, lucky for me, I was away for reservist call up. So for obvious reason, I missed Bukit Timah area by a mile… Yes, Lucky me.

On the Reservist note, I was practically Lobo-ing for the longest time in my life. I should have just slept through, but knowing how the CB officers and specialists work, I shan’t, lest I got sabo and kena blanket party. Yup, at our age somemore. You can’t really mature a man, any man…

Went to my buddy wedding dinner last night. It was ok, nothing fanciful, a simple dinner of warmth and blessing. Finally, after being together for the longest time (think 15 years), they finally tied the knot. However, everything that prelude (before and after) the wedding sucks. Firstly, the carpark(s) are full. The entire vicinity carpark are full. FULL! One joker security guard (managing traffic cos everywhere is packed, yet surprisingly orderly…) suggest parking at St. James. DUDE, DO YOU have any idea HOW FAR ST JAMES IS TO DINNER? Told you that guy is a joker… Wanted to park at double-yellow road just off the street but got CB traffic warden and then it will also set me back by 70 bucks… Ok, then Bright idea came along, the Coach parking area. That’s my next set of dilemma, I was told it will be expensive (thanks Guy for telling me, AFTER I parked…) but I didn’t know it will be THAT expensive. For a 3 hour parking, my cash card is S$20.40 poorer. Lucky for me again, cash card got money. Damn…

Then I have my own sets of problem. After 31 years of existence, I came to the realization my flaws, weakness and strength, many of which will remain anonymous; one thing for sure, I’m not good with spoken words. Alas, the agony (what agony?) haha… ANYWAY…

Once or twice or… for the longest time, many years ago, I was troubled by love, career and everything that life throws at me. I fell in and out of depression; it got especially bad when I was in the States. Everything smells, look and taste grey and gloomy. But it did serve to create this greater awareness of my inner self (albeit a whole spectrum of Blue-ness) and the needed strength to overcome greater adversities. Like I said earlier, I am in happiness now. Never had I been in such calmness and blissfully loving life for like ever. Such bliss comes at a price; I lost the will to write those heart wrenching entries and to overcome my limitation… and that is a problem? Why yes…

Take Marathon or long distance running for example. During my remedial training in the army, somehow, I can’t find the needed boost to spur me on. It was a puzzling time; I cannot understand the rationale and for that 1 minute, my brain literally on overdrive, trying to come to terms with my apparent disability. Then it dawn me… I am older (by a decade) and happier (much of my existence with my wife). Ah, that explains everything. Happy man how to torture oneself? Why, even to begin…

I lost my sense of writing in the process too.

Nevertheless, it is all good. I will however, visit it time and again, of my depression and all the sadness. I will never leave them behind. They are my precious…. My little precious

Right, Moving on…I’m going for a healthier me. That includes Jogging 3 times a week, or make that twice, golfing, and perhaps Gym… And no swimming? Well, put it this way, if swimming is good for our figure, explain whales to me.

Then again, there are whole lots of other land based creature, like big fat fugly Woodstock… Watch this space! Oh yes, Mom & Dad Loves you, our little Woodstock/snoopy Junior.

THE FEET OF THE DUCK WENT OVER THE FENCE BEFORE THE TAIL

27 August 2008
Cloudy Thursday (28 Degree Celsius)
Evening @ 1740 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 诺言 by李翊君
Mood: *duh”

It has been a while. Not a long while but long enough to feel the absence.

Just like my under-the-weather feeling. You see, I got sick recently, or rather, feel sick(ed). Then for some unknown reason, I felt better a while later, only to be stricken later. It’s like I know I don’t feel well but it is not bad enough to see a doctor and get medical leaves… So how? I’m fucked.

Speaking of being fucked, my department female-of-a-dog made her presence felt again and started harping on our duty roosters. This little insignificant act somehow made our life a tad tough and difficult lately. Nevertheless, she never foresees the thunders and lightning we plan throwing (at her… Muahaha…) Never Nevertheless, I always believe, live and let live lah, no need to go to the extremes. Perhaps she had a bad night (sex, or the lacked of it). Luckily though, I am a morally Upright Woddstock, haha. Once you live life in accordance to Celestial Standards which encompass (but not wholly) things like no hanky panky (I cannot explain how important this principle is). If you try to circumvent life and its jurisdiction (just because, YES just because), then assuredly you will be screwed. You know, one thing I have learnt, these bastards will never go away. It’s like one day, when you realize its inquisitiveness, that one fucking day, they will fucking return and fucking haunt you.

On a lighter note, I have decided to swear less. Why? Got baby in the family, not very nice. Just sing Monkey, Gorilla, Chimpanzee… Yup, those kind of things

Next, wife and I were babysitting our baby niece, Chloe on a Friday night. It was tough but merrily fun and uplifting. It’s heartwarming to see her smiling, crying, getting hungry, smiling again after being fed. Well, it’s nice having a baby in the family…

Got my first branded wallet. It is like an ultra luxury for me, I don’t believe in using such an expensive wallet, I mean, WHY? But a Mont Blanc is a Mont Blanc is a Mont Blanc… Just like my significant other’s Gucci is a Gucci is a … Ya, you get the message.

Work still ok, it’s neither too high nor too low, like the stock market; neither here nor there but hey, that’s life. Friends are still fine, sometime being a little too fucker for comfort, but generally still ok. Family and relatives are going strong, like I said, nothing too fanciful. Having said that, I think I’m going to write like once in a blue moon, at the rate things are going. I have nothing much to talk about, nothing to complain and nothing to really FEEL… Damn, not exactly a bad thing but still, it sucks… We can’t have best of all worlds… so how? We eat, grow fat and die. Better for the heart.

Clerks still getting on my nerves, colleagues sometime fucked up, luckily for me, I got my snoopy. On that note, YES, boys and girls, we are now known as Mr & Mrs Snoopy & Woodstock. How did that happen? It started at wee hours (like 4am) of 16 August where we left for Sheares Bridge 21km run. Reach destination, warm up, and off we go for the half marathon. It was painful, after like 6 years of absence (Woodstock) but luckily, we managed to finish in one piece. Went home, shower and when everyone is out, we exchanged our 1 year anniversary gift (first). Then I made her covered her eyes for a surprise… I tied the proposal ring on Inuka (our little bear) and with a bouquet of flowers, I proposed to my lovely Snoopy. The rest is history.

Thank you Honey, for being my beautiful wife and BFF (Best Friend Foever). I’ll try to be your best friend and soulmate I could ever become. And I Love you

IT’S A B.E.A.U.TIFUL DAY, NOW WATCH SOME ASSHOLE FUCKED IT UP

29 July 2008
Cloudy Wednesday (30 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 2140 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 诺言 by李翊君
Mood: *WoW”

Well… been a while since I last updated anything here… so let’s get on with it

Firstly, I started on my remedial training, complimentary of the Singapore Armed Forces (or RT in short). After my first 3km run up the steep slope (3 x 1km = 3 rounds up that fucking slope), I can’t really feel anything waist down. And you know what can be worst? The pain shot up after day 2 and gets progressively bad till I practically had to grab onto the handrails during descent and walking up the stairs. And when you think you hit shit bottom, things get better; my only entry to my work place consist of a 30 flight of stairs up and 30 down… Plus Lunch, Off work, sometime kena arrow to Admin Building… Little wonder how I can live, eat, sleep and grow fat… oh well…

But then hor, things get slightly better after 4 days of rest (beside walking like a duck). Now I can run the slopes (3km per session) and clocking better timing every time. I guess it all boils down to perseverance and determination. Both of which, I am sorely lacking… why?

Firstly, you really need that FULL burst and CONSTANT burning FIRE to run anything related to being Damn Siong (think marathon). I used to clock full marathons (halfs’ are like morning PT like that) and never look back. WHY? Because I got that fucking FIRE inside; all the wrongs people did to me, the humiliation, backstabbing, ego trips (yes that too). EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE in this fucking world are against me. It is these sorrowful agonies that fuel my run! YA, BABY! FUCKING BURN!

And now? I grow fat, constantly smiling, feeling like 9th heaven every minute of my life… Because? I am happily in love with Snoopy and we are going for the long haul… Awww, so tell me lah, if one is as blissful as me, where got that damn fire? So how? Nowadays I just run and kept only the happy thoughts. Difficult but not impossible. Also, I needed the run lah for another 2 reasons…

I am going for the Half Marathon on the 16th of August and besides, I am an overachiever. I don’t want to fucking waste my time fucking idle during the 2 hourly session of RT. I saw so many CB around, all slacking and practically wasting their fucking god-damn life away. Oh well, like I said, to each its own… They happy, no die while running or walking (thank goodness) can liao.

ANYWAY

Beside the RT Session (another 1 RT to go and here-I-come second phase – which is like more damn CB siong), I really haven’t do much… Oh well…

Last Sunday went for the Children Society Walkathon. The week before was idling around malls, shopping for Nike Lunar Series Shoes, bought this, get those and played a 9-hole Golf (Company Games) yesterday. Haven’t been playing for a while (my procrastination, mostly) and since last night, my whole body is burning (under direct sun for 2 hours) and aching (the SWING dude, THE SWINGS).

Ok, way beside that, maybe I could start another trilogy soon, just needs the fucking inspiration…

Oh but apparently, if you are like me, then having inspiration is like procrastination; You feel fucking good initially, but then in the end, you are only fucking yourself… And to fucking start with, my idea is certainly one of strong beliefs. Roughly, it divided the fucking world into two camps: enemies who needed to be crushed, and allies who, because they are CB wimps, have to be told what to do.

And then how?

We eat, sleep, grow fat and FUCKING DIE!!!

LUX ET VERITAS (LIGHT & TRUTH)

2 July 2008
Cloudy Thursday (30 Degree Celsius)
Night @ 2040 (Singapore Time)
Listen: 诺言 by李翊君
Mood: *WoW”

The Biggest problem is that they do not see themselves as the problem. It could be the byproduct of affirmative action’s (Bumiputra and American’s Blacks) but I suppose it is much easier to wriggle their way out of misery by blaming everything foreign and laying destruction to others. I mean what else can they do? No job, no money, no honey… with such pent up amount of energy, it is like a steam cooker at orgasm point. Like no Chu Stunt cannot sleep the night away like that…

That brought me to a similar argument I read lately the co-relation between the number of Males (increase) to war (also increase). It goes like this; somewhere in the 19th to 20th Century, China has a problem, a BIG problem; the ruling dynasty is decaying, the people are suffering from disasters after disasters and western nations are at its doorstep. To make matter worst, they have like a BIG disproportionate amount of males versus the females. All these free, nothing better to do males with no spouses, are roaming the city and countryside, looking for an avenue to release their energy. So what they do? They started the biggest civil war in Chinese history which crippled their feudal lord.

Now back to the 21st Century, we have so many unemployed youth and men roaming their streets and these are god-given natural resources for distorted views and actions. We could even see a replay of the Chinese civil war, albeit on a larger scale, Much Larger. Give it time…

Another BIG problem is their Rich are not at all bothered with their poorer brethrens. Take Palestine for example. If the Arabs are genuinely concern about their plight, they would have done all they could, like economically embargoed Israel to rebuilding Palestinian with all their Oil riches. But No… They just make empty cow-pehing when Israel launches assault after assault to rid the extremists, and after all that, retire back to their palace, ticking off their scheduler like it’s just another daily to-do list.

To put my point succinctly, no one cares about the poor. Because, technically they are not Arabs, Not Persian, Not quite Egyptians, not exactly Syrian… See my point? Did I mention they are poor? Very poor in fact and with no resources other than droves of unemployed youth (and that permeate the cycle of extremism).

I am always for secularism. I believe in the division of State and religion.

Recently some Muslim chaps even suggest making all food places halal for…. communal bonding (so everyone can eat together in the same table). Wow, B.I.L.L.I.A.N.T leh…

But it did happen, at least in some food courts (entirely halal) and of course my canteen…

My feel is, Singapore is basically a conservative society and the norm is one of multi-racial and stable family structure. We build our life based on consensus, as with most Asian society. However, we also recognize that Muslim (for example) is a part of our society. They have a place and are entitled to their religious rights and private lives. So I am perfectly fine to see headscarves or Arabian Gown (those covering head to toe…) in public spaces, but to push their lifestyle into our’s? Halal Foodcourt?

I believed majority of Singaporeans want a stable multi-racial & religious society with traditional family values and yet encompassing spaces for people of different faith, sexuality and beliefs to live their private lives and contribute to the society. Therefore, we should not be pressured into changing this position or flirting with this intent to change, especially now that the minority group expanded their view with somewhat louder than usual call for change in status quo.

Thus, the only way forward for a space in our society is to accept the formal and informal limits which reflect the equilibrium that our society can and will prepare to accept, and not to assert them stridently as other religious groups do elsewhere.

In a diverse, multi-racial and multi-religious Singapore, every group, religious or secular, should exercise restraint and show mutual respect and tolerance. If any group pushes its agenda too aggressively, then there will be backlash from other groups. Then how? We will be lead to disintegration and perhaps even civil war.

I am not advocating discontentment or inciting hatred. As I always asserted, the minority should not and cannot hijack and shove their ideology to the masses. Anyone could do whatever they want, in the comfort of their living spaces (like Homosexuality) and most of us (including the Government) don’t really need to know or care. Seriously, who even care about the famous penal code 337A (the Anal sex thingy) but still, the Gay rights advocates make such a loud din over it. To bring forth your insistence that certain issues and stakes be change to accommodate your needs, that is treason! And in my regime, you will be thoroughly drown in warm beer and be fed to the lions…

So how now? I cowpeh and go back to sleep…

And perhaps wait for the police to knock on my door… or I might be assassinated… Oh well, at least I tried. Even if I am condemned because of my reasoning, then let my maker be my witness…

End of Trilogy …

Now for some Fun stuffs…

A friend died this January but Bank still billed her for February, March etc for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on top of the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00... Now it is somewhere around $60.00. I called the Bank…

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Bank: "Sir, the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Erm, Ok… maybe, you should turn it over to collections, perhaps?"
Bank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So… what exactly will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Me: "Hmmm, do you think God will be mad at her?"
Bank:"...excuse me...?"
Me: "Did you even get what I was trying to tell you... the part about her being, like dead?"
Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January…"
Bank: "Oh, the account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "So you mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Bank: ".....(stammer).... Errm could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure."
(Fax number is given)
(After they get the fax.)
Bank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
Me: "Oh...really…"
Bank: "I don't know what more I can do to help.."
Me: "Well... you could just keep billing her, I suppose... Don't really think she will care...."
Bank: "The late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "Right, right…. Would you like her new billing address then?"
Bank: "That might help."
Me: "Lim Chu Kang Cemetery (plot number given.)
Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "That’s right, so exactly what do you do with dead people on your planet then?"

SO our Maker Helps us all…